It’s happened to me more than once that I’ve refused an important leadership role. I’ve always had my reasons—sometimes it was fear, but mostly, it was because I profoundly disagreed with the conditions I was expected to follow to be considered a “proper” leader—or with the deep values of those who would still oversee my power, even if I were the leader.
If the strategy I’m expected to use doesn’t resonate with me personally, I will not be a leader of anything.
If I lack the power to help my team reach their highest potential and become true co-creators, or if my hands are tied, preventing me from staying true to my own integrity and self-respect, I will refuse the leadership position.
Being a leader is a huge responsibility. It must be approached with deep inner wisdom and taken very seriously. When you become a leader, you become responsible for others, whether you like it or not.
You don’t become a leader to control others or manipulate their behavior. You don’t become a leader for self-interest, recognition, or glory. You don’t do it for money or to push your own limiting beliefs. You don’t become a leader out of a lack of love, power, or self-esteem. You don’t lead from selfishness, cleverness, or comfort.
You become a leader because you’re ready to care for others and be there for them. You’re a leader because people value who you are and trust what you do. They rely on you, believing you have their best interests at heart, not just your own.
You become a leader because you have an abundance of unconditional love and compassion to give, not because you lack it yourself. You become a leader to care, not to be cared for. Even if your personal sacrifice is never truly required to lead with honor, you must still be willing and courageous enough to sacrifice everything for those who trust you—if you are a true leader.
A leader is not an authority figure or a controller establishing order. A leader is a supportive presence and a compassionate witness to your own experience and personal evolution.
A leader is not here to punish or reward you, to tell you what to do or believe. A leader is here to make you a leader. It’s as simple as that.
A leader is not your savior or your “boss.” They are your ally, the dear companion walking humbly beside you on your path. They don’t know everything and are not without flaws, but they are willing to be there for those around them who trust them. They have the desire to protect, love, and care for others simply because it nourishes their soul to be there and support them in the best way they can.
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I refused to be a “leader” because not many actually asked me to be a true leader. They asked me to be a CEO, a director, a boss, or a guru. They wanted me to tell people what to do and how to do it, what to believe and why. They wanted me to exercise control and authority, to be the face of the industry and wield real power. In short, they wanted me to be the usual corporate abuser and manipulator, not a leader.
And I want to be a leader.
I don’t care if the only beings who genuinely trust me are myself and my cat; but I will not be a leader who strips you of your inner power or disrespects your dignity in any way. I will not lead anyone (including my cat) who doesn’t genuinely want to be led by me and who doesn’t trust me to be there for them as a leader.
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People often think I’m some kind of anarchy-driven, anti-leadership lunatic. But I’m not.
True selfless leadership is crucial. We all need leaders in our lives—people we deeply love, trust, and value. It might be our mother, the random guy on YouTube, the president, our teacher, our boss, or even our cat. Even if you’re a world-scale leader with millions of followers, you probably still have leaders who are there for you, playing the role of support and care.
Leadership is priceless and likely necessary to co-create a shared reality that makes sense. But real leadership is based on simple love, selfless compassion, and the deep offering of oneself—not on control, greed, or power.
We need more leaders in this world, but fewer people in power who don’t deserve it or can’t handle it to keep us safe and sane. We need leaders we trust, not cruel authorities who seem to abuse us for mysterious but never truly justified reasons.
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My father was the protector. He was the provider and the strong grounding for our family. But it was actually my mother who was the leader, and my father unconditionally honored and respected that.
He knew she was better at understanding what real leadership was about—no question—because she was a mother. He understood that by the role Nature gave her, she knew more about how to care and lead with unconditional love and real compassion. He knew she was just better at it, and he deeply honored that. He also unconditionally trusted her, her judgment, and her inner power.
He was a leader. And she was a leader. But they also knew how to respect and unconditionally accept each other’s unique leadership capacities, together with coherence and care. They were a team of co-leaders and co-creators, not competitors or power-abusers.
Leadership is not about being feminine or masculine, male or female, a woman or a man, motherhood or patriarchy. It’s about systemic coherence. It’s about sharing our powers with wisdom and responsibility. It’s about trusting each other and recognizing the uniqueness of who we are and as we already are. It’s about partnerships and relationships we can truly count on. It’s not just about you or how powerful you can be on your own or how many people you can control.
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In leadership, power manifests in various forms, each playing a distinct role in our relationships.
“Power-over” is a dynamic where you assume the role of a leader, acknowledging your expertise while also trusting others in their respective fields. This form of authority isn’t inherently negative; it’s a natural aspect of leadership. When you engage in a “power-over” dynamic—whether in a controlling or supportive role—you take on the responsibility and accountability that come with it. This dynamic is often seen in relationships where guidance and protection are necessary, like between a mother and a young child.
On the other hand, “power-with” represents a collaborative dynamic where power is shared equally. It’s about co-creating with mutual respect, trust, and acceptance of each other’s autonomy. This dynamic is akin to a healthy romantic partnership, where both parties contribute equally and engage in shared responsibility and accountability.
In the business world, both “power-over” and “power-with” dynamics are essential. Some employees, like children, require guidance, care, and protection, while others are co-creators, standing as equals with whom you share power and responsibilities.
Understanding these dynamics is crucial for effective leadership. You must be clear about the types of relationships you have in your life and adjust your collaboration and communication strategies accordingly:
Mentors and Teachers: These are the individuals who hold power over you. You respect them, rely on their expertise, and recognize that they are at a higher level in some areas. They guide you, and you trust their leadership.
Peers and Collaborators: These are your equals in power—your team, partners, and collaborators. The dynamic here is one of “power-with,” where co-creation thrives in an environment of equality, mutual respect, and shared responsibility.
Followers and Students: These are individuals who look up to you as a leader or expert. They trust your guidance and depend on your knowledge. In this dynamic, you hold “power-over” them, and with that comes the responsibility to lead them with care, much like a parent guiding a child.
Roles in these relationships aren’t static. A student today may become a mentor tomorrow, and vice versa. Flexibility and creativity in leadership allow us to navigate these shifting dynamics with a sense of responsibility, joy, and deeper meaning.
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I am not against authentic leadership. I am against systemic abuse, cruel manipulation, and dysfunctional power dynamics.
I’m not a leader for the “system,” economy, or politics; I’m a leader for other humans like me, for my local community, and for the people I deeply love and care for.
I am not a leader for my own self-pleasure or interest. It’s not about me. It’s about us. And I am also not a leader to satisfy the empty ego of someone else who, for some reason, is unwillingly forced into the position of being my authority and overseeing the performance of my leadership.
I’m not looking for those kinds of leadership opportunities. I don’t want to be the “boss” of anything. I want to be a respectful and compassionate co-creator of our shared reality, with all of us in our innate powers and our unique gifts.
I want us all to be leaders, trust each other, and just have fun and be happy.
If I am a leader of any kind, I am a leader for us and for the whole. Not for me or for the deeply corrupted and abusive “system.” And that’s likely how it will stay for a while, even if “us” remains as simple and insignificant as me and my cat in my own personal reality.
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