We often discuss why women should be cautious around men, and we do so with good reason. Many men are deeply wounded and confused about what it means to be a man in today’s world. This confusion can lead to unintentional harm toward women.
However, we rarely flip the narrative. We seldom explore why men might be scared of women or how they can protect themselves. Posing the question this way might provoke strong reactions, but it's a conversation worth having.
When I was in CEGEP, I conducted extensive research on domestic violence in Quebec. The experience was shocking, eye-opening, and deeply heart-breaking on many levels. What piqued my curiosity was the significant data on domestic violence against men—a reality that is largely ignored and rarely discussed.
We often equate domestic violence with physical abuse, and while it's true that in cases of physical conflict, a man is likely to overpower a woman and be harshly judged for his actions, we forget that abuse is multifaceted. Abuse can occur without a single touch or word spoken.
Men may be physically stronger, but women often excel in psychological and emotional manipulation. Women can subtly control and manipulate emotions and thoughts, often without the man even realizing it. A woman can either use this power for good or, unfortunately, to cause deep internal damage. And many women do.
Yet, we rarely talk about this.
Most men don’t even realize when they’re being emotionally abused. Some confuse emotional and sexual manipulation with love or care. Men often lack the social and professional resources to seek help when they feel their mental well-being is being eroded by a woman.
Society is reluctant to listen to a man who is suffering from abuse at the hands of a woman.
But you’d be surprised how many men endure this reality without even knowing it. Many are subtly and creatively abused through love, sex, money, family, and power, sometimes with devastating effects. The cruelty of a deeply wounded or disrespected woman can be immense, and her power to silently destroy a life is profound.
Yet, we almost never discuss it seriously. We rarely create spaces where men can speak openly about their experiences with compassion and validation. Some men are legitimate victims of subtle, deep abuse by women and need care, love, and support to heal.
I learned this through my research before I turned 20.
Still, as a woman, it’s only now, more than ten years later, that I realize how I unconsciously inflicted emotional pain on men in my life. I unknowingly caused suffering to men at school, at work, among friends, and in romantic relationships. I became a kind of abuser without fully realizing it, mostly acting out of love but still causing deep harm.
I used their tools and tactics, reflecting their ignorance and cruelty back at them, but in a more sophisticated way. When they tried to overpower me with status or ego, I slowly dismantled them emotionally or mentally.
I thought we were playing a game.
If a man humiliates or underestimates a woman, she uses her wisdom to teach him a lesson, showing him his true place of power and influence. I believed that if you disrespect me, it gives me the right to disrespect you in return. And I thought this is what men wanted. How could I have learned differently?
When I expressed hurt feelings, men often reacted as if they had won a trophy. They seemed to see it as a victory to cause a woman emotional pain, perhaps feeling empowered by it.
So, I took it as a challenge too.
If my wounds were their trophy, I would recover, return, and intensify the game. I believed they were challenging us, and we were challenging them in return.
So I made it personal too and I went even deeper.
I made it emotional and mental. I confronted them with the real issues—what truly hurts inside and why. I held up a mirror to their cruelty and ignorance, revealing how far it can go if we ignore our own suffering for too long.
I showed them the real power a woman possesses.
But I also destroyed parts of myself in the process. I hurt fragile men’s feelings and hurt myself even more. And in doing so, I witnessed the visceral fear a man has when faced with a powerful woman.
I finally understood.
Men don’t want to be overpowered by strong women. They are drawn to powerful women because they crave unconditional love and acceptance. They want to be seen and felt in their authentic power by someone who acknowledges it, not fears it. And only a powerful woman can truly do that.
Yet, men often provoke powerful women into power struggles to showcase their strength. But do they really want empowerment, or are they seeking empty recognition? Or perhaps, they’re longing for love—love from a powerful woman who accepts them as they are.
Being recognized for our power and being loved for it requires different strategies.
Men often don’t know how to ask for love from a powerful woman because they’re terrified of her. Instead, they choose to hate, compete, or professionally destroy her to feel more confident. They seek to demonstrate their power by making powerful women suffer.
Perhaps they don’t know how to love a powerful woman. They’ve learned to judge, shame, and fear her. They may do business or have sex with her, but they’re too scared to be real and vulnerable or simply loved by her.
Instead of collaborating with powerful women, they wage wars against them, which is counterproductive and senseless.
It’s time to stop this destructive cycle. Powerful women are here to collaborate and co-create, not to intimidate or compete. They seek peace, not war.
When a woman rises to a position of power, it’s because she already loves, respects, and honors power—hers and yours. She recognizes your strength and wants to help you use it more effectively, not engage in a battle.
A woman in power doesn’t want to fight or compete. She wants to access her power and see you use yours to create something beautiful and meaningful in our shared reality.
She wants to collaborate and co-create our collective future, not be impressed, overpowered, or wounded by your amazing power.
Why does power so often lead to violence between men and women?
It’s only violent when we forget that power is a natural part of the human experience. We all desire power, but we also long to be unconditionally loved for our innate power, not hated or shamed for it.
When we fail to love each other authentically, our egos compete for power, leading to pain. We use power to seek love, but we often receive power instead of love in return, trapping us in a cycle of competition and suffering.
But what we’ve wanted all along is to be in love with our authentic power.
So why didn’t we ask for love from the start?
Men are only scared of women when they forget that a woman’s true power is love. And so, they become scared of love, protecting themselves with power. But you can never win the power game against love. True love is never competitive; it’s always collaborative, shared, and deeply co-created with our unique powers in harmony, coherence and respect.
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