The Beauty Paradox

Beauty is a standard many people value—and for some, it’s even a core value. There’s a lot to say about beauty, but let’s start with how confusing it can be.

When someone is perceived as "ugly," they often wish to be more beautiful, thinking it would somehow solve their problems.

But are beautiful people actually happier or healthier than "ugly" ones in today’s world? Or, to some extent, is being "too beautiful" more of a burden, something that isn’t truly an advantage at all?

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When I was in college, my anthropology teacher had us do something strange during exams that none of us understood. She asked us not to write our names on the first page, but on the last, hidden so she couldn’t easily see it before grading.

At some point, we asked her why.

Her answer blew my mind—I was totally ignorant back then about the power of biases in our minds.

She simply said: "It’s scientifically proven that teachers often have deep unconscious biases based on how beautiful they think students are when grading. Teachers are usually tougher and less forgiving with unattractive kids, but for some reason, they give higher grades to the beautiful ones. I’m not here to evaluate your looks; I’m here to pass on knowledge. So I want to make sure I do my job right.”

She was wise enough to understand that she couldn’t fully overcome her own biases, so she put a simple strategy in place to avoid being influenced by unconscious judgment.

She was quirky, but she was brilliant and deeply self-aware.

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Beauty is a social privilege.

When you’re attractive, it’s easier to ask for things and even to get what you want.

People are often more open-minded, more open-hearted, and more drawn to beauty. If you’re up for a job and have the same qualifications as someone else but are more attractive, you’re more likely to get the job. This is a well-documented fact. Side note: this logic generally applies if the other person is the same gender, because if you’re a woman, you’re still likely to lose the high-value job to a man, even if he’s far less attractive and more incompetent than you are.

So, you know, besides beauty standards, we apparently still have gender biases that are even more messed up.

Anyway, today we’re talking about beauty, not gender. So, are we ready to dive into the paradox of beauty? The dark side of it? What does it look like? How does it feel? What’s the other side of the coin?

I could talk about hypersexualization, consumerism, and the fact that what we call “beauty” today has almost nothing to do with anything natural or real. But I won’t go down that road today. Instead, I’ll talk about how shitty it can feel to be “privileged” because of beauty.

How can beauty make someone suffer deeply?

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Apparently, I was born an exceptionally beautiful child.

Neighbors would literally come to our house just to look at me as a baby, amazed by my looks. My mother, who is a very proud woman who loves being complimented for no reason, probably enjoyed this behavior a lot back then.

But I’m not sure she fully understood what it was like for me growing up in an environment where beauty seemed to be the only thing people noticed or wanted to see in me. How it felt to be observed as though I were a porcelain doll in a museum, or even a “tasty meal” for certain perverts.

What was it like to try being seen for anything other than just being “pretty”? Sure, I felt the privilege of it throughout my life—that’s true. But was I actually happy about it? Most of the time, I couldn’t even just be myself because apparently, I was too “pretty” to be just me.

Pretty girls don’t do this, and they don’t do that. They have a long list of rules and limitations imposed on them by their “beauty privilege” from a young age. Beauty comes with a heavy narrative of cultural conditioning. And that conditioning feels more like a burden than a privilege.

Being a beautiful child wasn’t actually that bad for me. I was probably able to become rebellious as fuck, partly thanks to my looks. I could get away with a lot with a nice smile and pretty eyes. Most of the time, I was smart enough to use it to my advantage to get what I wanted anyway.

Things shifted for me around the age of 10. That’s when I realized that being beautiful also meant constantly feeling in danger of being abused or assaulted by random people on the street. When I went out to play with friends, my mom would casually say, “Be careful not to get raped today.” I was ten.

At first, I didn’t believe her.

I thought she was just overprotective and exaggerating. But a couple of weeks later, I ran into an old man in the street, in the middle of the day, who stared into my eyes, told me how beautiful I was, and masturbated right there. I was terrified and confused. My mom’s warnings suddenly felt very real and very concrete.

Even though I had no real understanding of what this man was doing or why, I felt profoundly disgusted and violated. I was more than five meters away from him, but I felt like he had invaded me. I felt his energy close, around me and in me, and I hated it. That feeling in my body was terrifying.

Every woman in the world probably knows what I’m talking about. And of course, this wasn’t the last time I felt this way—violated on the inside.

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As I grew older, my beauty became more than just pretty; I was now “sexy.”

Being a sexy teenager, however, is very different from simply being a pretty child. A sexy teenager faces a harsher reality. With age, more people feel entitled and permissive—imagining they can touch you, desire you, or see you as an object to satisfy their own denied desires, even if only in their heads. Often, this happens unconsciously, but it still affects you, and beautiful people feel it.

Many people can't simply appreciate and respectfully coexist with natural beauty. Instead, their denied, numbed, or repressed sexual energy often drives them to objectify, abuse or resent the person they find attractive. In their own shadows, these people may turn the beautiful one into a “stupid, crazy witch possessed by demons” they believe deserves to be metaphorically “burned at the stake.”

When you’re accustomed to sensing very confusing and unconscious energy from people, it becomes challenging to discern whether someone genuinely cares about what you have to say or is merely projecting their own unresolved issues or desires. Some individuals may be highly skilled at acting or manipulating, yet their motives remain questionable.

"Do they truly want to help, or do they have a hidden agenda—seeking to take advantage or exert empty of meaning power for no real reason?"

Many beautiful people grapple with these types of questions daily. Some might even feel driven to undermine their own beauty and appearance simply because they’re tired of feeling unsafe and unseen for who they truly are.

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I’m not claiming to be any kind of beauty standard. But working mainly in male-dominated environments as a young, attractive, and competent woman created unique challenges for me throughout my career.

Initially, it was confusing.

I was often the only young woman in very serious, old-school settings. People assumed I was someone’s secretary. Many were shocked when they learned who I was and what I was actually doing. My role, my responsibilities, and my power in this complex industry didn’t make sense to them.

They struggled to reconcile my beauty with my authority. In these spaces, beauty and power don’t often coexist for women. For some men, a beautiful and powerful woman is unnerving. They may see her as an anomaly—a dangerous woman who should be having fun at a club rather than making decisions in a boardroom.

In many corporate settings, a powerful woman may eventually earn a seat at the table—if she works incredibly hard and sacrifices enough to get there. But she’ll still have to fight for her voice to be heard. The beautiful one, however, is still often expected to fetch coffee, make copies, and stay silent.

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For some, the combination of beauty and power is terrifying, particularly for men with unresolved sexual insecurities. A powerful woman, if she knows how to handle herself, can unsettle a powerful man. If she’s aware and skillful in dealing with his insecurities, she could easily manipulate him. This awareness makes some men wary of working closely with women they find attractive.

When a beautiful and intelligent woman passionately engages in meaningful, work-related discussions, it can be both invigorating and transformative. She can ignite your drive, make you feel seen, and awaken your excitement for the work you both share. She taps into your own potential, revealing to you your inner source of creative energy and drive.

But if you’re immature or fearful of your own power and creativity, you may misinterpret this energy as sexual. Yet, it isn’t. This is called professional creative empowerment and passion in what we do—not an invitation for romance or intimacy.

A woman can be passionate about her work, motivated by her creative potential to contribute meaningfully. Her creativity doesn’t need to be sexualized. Why should it be?

Those who see creative energy as purely sexual have likely never truly tapped into the potential of creativity or experienced its broader uses. Creativity is expansive and can serve many purposes beyond sexuality. Limiting it to sexual expression is a waste of its transformative power.

In our professional lives, we can access our source of creativity to bring about real, impactful change. By channeling our aspirations, desires, and creativity, we can fuel projects that co-create a future worth striving for.

Our creative energy is essential for transforming our reality.

If we treat this energy as shameful or inappropriate in professional settings, we stifle our potential. If we reduce it to something purely sexual, we miss the chance to create meaningfully from our source. True, authentic creation arises from a deep place within—not solely from the heart or mind but from our innate creative power.

This distinction is crucial. Your most profound needs, desires, and passions reside in your creative source. If you lack access to this or cannot manage its flow, you’re not truly creating; you’re merely replicating or reworking what’s already been done. To authentically co-create in the world, you must connect with your creative source.

Creative work, especially when approached with depth, can feel sensual or even intense to some. But creativity in business or art doesn’t require sex to tap into its transformative potential. If we mature collectively, heal from sexual trauma, and understand the diverse ways to use creative energy, we could solve many challenges.

And we could experience a lot of joy while doing it.

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Why is creativity addictive or so ‘sensual’?

Because, like sex, when you engage in a true creative process, your body releases a full cocktail of happiness hormones. The “artist trance state” or pure creative flow is known to stimulate and increase the natural production of oxytocin, often called the “bliss hormone.” Oxytocin is a powerful compound for the body—it brings joy and divine pleasure, while also holding the unique ability to heal the body, heart, and mind.

Oxytocin makes us both happy and healthy.

This is why we love good sex; it’s an effective and enjoyable way to boost oxytocin levels in a straightforward way. But if sex were the only method of achieving this effect, our society would look very different today.

As humans, we likely need a wider variety of options to cultivate the health and happiness hormones in our lives, beyond just sex. We should be able to receive the appropriate levels of oxytocin in our system in all our relationships. We already know that one of the most natural and effective ways to increase oxytocin production is to use our creativity to meaningfully co-create a life aligned with our deep desires.

Simply put: the more you harness your natural creativity and inner power at work, the more your work can make you both happier and healthier.

Work can be either medicine or a drug.

Your work can contribute to the regeneration of your body and our collective system, or it can add to your self-destruction and the incoherence in our shared reality.

Imagine you bring constant love to everything around you—not in an intimate sense, but through deeply co-created actions. How do you use your power and creativity to build pleasurable, respectful, and meaningful experiences with the people you interact with in co-creating our shared reality?

Does your work bring you an oxytocin high?

If each person had a job that held personal meaning and allowed them to express their innate creativity in ways that felt right, we’d all be naturally “high” on oxytocin. This would mean we’d be happy and healthy simply by engaging in what we’re most passionate about.

If we all genuinely loved our work, could we conclude that we wouldn’t be in such a collective mess right now? Perhaps. Much of our struggle comes from the fact that we have yet to learn how to create workplaces where each individual feels empowered to be themselves and to create from their own deep well of creative potential.

People often go to work to meet the desires and needs of others—those with more power who dictate the tasks. They rarely go to work to co-create, to be vulnerable, or to make the collective future more coherent and meaningful. Work isn’t typically associated with pleasure or healing; it’s expected to be hard and draining. Sadly, this seems to be a deeply ingrained collective belief.

But why, exactly, is work supposed to be hard or filled with suffering? Why can’t I be so passionate about my work that it actually energizes me even more than doing nothing? If our job holds meaning, aligns with our core values, and genuinely meets the needs of others or Nature itself, the activity we do will fill us with joy.

Truly purposeful work is rarely exhausting.

If you view your work as something that diminishes your health or happiness, then it may not be that beneficial for the rest of us, either.

If you must sacrifice your well-being to work, you’re not a co-creator; you’re a slave to a system of nonsense. And a slave cannot contribute to a reality that makes sense in the long run or fulfill the future we all desire. A slave is denied access to their unlimited creative potential because their creativity and inner power are ultimately controlled by their owner.

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If we wish to use our creative power more wisely and efficiently to manifest our dream reality, we have no choice but to confront the unspoken issue in the room: the widespread trauma surrounding our creative and sexual power.

If we can’t engage with powerful and attractive people without being entranced by their appearance or entangled in our cultural conditioning and judgments, we miss the chance to co-create genuine beauty in our shared reality and future. We could realize that we’re so much more than just sexy or attractive.

We might finally understand that sometimes, beautiful and powerful women and men are here to help us become better versions of ourselves—not to destroy us, nor to sleep with us.

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Why am I writing all this here today? Good question.

I want to do meaningful work and collaborate with serious people.

Until now, I’ve shared here because I enjoy radical simplicity and experimenting with different ideas in random ways. My focus over the past months has been exploring the mysteries of my own creative process and use it as a tool to heal and transform my own self.

I’ve discovered the power of words—the healing that happens when we express ourselves authentically and without shame or fear.

In recent years, I’ve mostly written for my own pleasure, self-reflection and inner growth. It was intentional; I wasn’t aiming to drive revenue, impress someone or meet anyone’s needs. I was healing myself and consciously working to express my deep essence more transparently and authentically. This freedom from needing to be “nice” or politically correct has been empowering.

Through this, I’ve also realized that this approach to writing is sometimes might be healing and inspiring for others too. What I’ve experienced and the way I reflect on it seems to help others see through the complexities of our shared experiences with more clarity and understanding as well.

I love making complex ideas simple—this is my passion. I use my own process of evolution and experience as a guiding principle to understand the mysteriously interconnected system of our shared existence.

I mostly talk about creation and systems in all their forms and shapes. Using insights from my journey, I reflect on our system as a whole.

I develop innovative processes and creative narratives that foster systemic transformation in our shared reality. I love talking about all kinds of businesses, power dynamics, consciousness, and science on both personal and collective scales. I enjoy going deep into the “geeky” aspects of things, and then embracing a wilder side in my writings.

I want to use my writing as a tool to help people navigate this world’s complexities with conscious and simple systemic thinking. I want to show that empowerment and authentic freedom are accessible and can be achieved through efficient and meaningful processes of co-creation with those around us.

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Now, I want my work to serve others as well.

I no longer want to write only for myself. I want my writing to create true meaning for those who read it. I also want conversations around it. Having knowledge means little if we don’t have spaces to practice it or ways to embody it in our lives. I’d like to create a community of systemic co-creators who want to explore together how to create a shared reality that is coherent, collaborative, and enjoyable.

I don’t know yet how this will take shape or what format it will eventually take. But if you enjoy what I do and my reflections resonate with you, please share what topics have been most interesting to you and what kind of content you’d like to see more of. Since I want to write to serve others, this feedback would be useful and would help me connect with you in a way that’s better, more coherent and meaningful.

To do this efficiently and with fun, I need tools that make it possible to collaborate and co-create in ways that makes systemic sense. I prefer a smaller group of readers who genuinely appreciate what I have to say over a large, shallow networks that no longer holds meaning or pleasure for me. I want quality conversations and to share my insights in more coherent, co-creative ways.

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Now, I want to create not just for myself but also for you and with you.

I want to keep using my writing as a means of personal and collective empowerment, freedom, and systemic healing, while building a community where we can support each other, experiment, practice and learn together on how to do it all in the real life as well.

Would you like to be a part of this in the future? Would you be interested in contemplating deeper and more collaboratively on questions like: How do we transform the world’s ugliness into genuine, natural and simple beauty? How can we each become empowered co-creators of the reality we truly desire?

Can we have it all—safety, love, power, meaning, health, and happiness? If so, how?