Having a brother or a sister is special.
But how or why exactly is it special? In what way are the relationships between siblings so unique and powerful? What do they really share together? Do we have other types of relationships that mirror this in our lives? Is there an invisible 'contract' we might be bound by, some kind of bro-code or sisterhood law we must respect to maintain enjoyable and nourishing relationships with our brothers or sisters? (Or with other non-blood-related beings we still value and love like siblings.)
A 'sibling' is usually someone who shares their protectors, caregivers, and nurturers with you. They often have the same blood (or adoptive) parents, or it could be a teacher, a guru, or someone (or something) else they rely on for survival and further thriving or evolution. They share the same 'source' that ensures their personal well-being and happiness.
This is why we often talk about the concept of brotherhood or sisterhood in organizations with centralized power, like cults or orphanages. People in those institutions experience the same feelings as siblings because they are under the mercy (or control) of the same 'leader,' protector, or boss. This dynamic can also be seen in many universities, private schools, street gangs, or prostitution networks. In those cases, it's not necessarily because the power is centralized, but because they share the same (often very difficult and challenging) reality.
They are sisters and brothers because of their deep trauma bonds, not because they share the same provider or protector (because they might not even have any 'boss' over them). They are the protectors of themselves and each other. They know how to care deeply because they know exactly how it feels not to be cared for.
If not parents, siblings share the same 'system' where they grow and evolve side by side. They participate in similar experiences and have somehow similar, but often different and unique challenges. They better understand each other and have a shared 'context' to discuss how they feel—a context that both can consciously understand and emotionally feel.
Siblings 'feel' each other more easily. They can communicate without talking, relying solely on their telepathy and empathy, usually without any effort or 'special' technique. They just know how to do it naturally, and they often don’t even question how it works; it just does.
When we manage to create this feeling of deep understanding without words, of unconditional acceptance of what is, and the ability to 'sense' each other with compassion and love, we usually feel like sisters and brothers, even if we didn’t grow up together or share the same parents.
The nature (or the intensity) of the experiences we go through together and the similarities of the context around those experiences usually define how close we feel or how much we consider others our 'siblings.'
Some people have many 'brothers' and 'sisters' somewhere, but don’t actually have any relationship with their actual siblings (if they even have any). This is also possible and totally perfect.
We all have different paths and stories. It’s not about comparing them and complaining about what we wish we had but didn’t. We all have our unique journey, and that’s exactly what’s so exciting and fun. There’s no magic recipe or formula for the perfect life. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship (with anyone).
There are only relationships that you consciously (or unconsciously) build (or destroy). The 'quality' (or the intensity) of your relationships with others depends mainly on you. Yes, the others play roles too and most likely make it very challenging for you from time to time, but still, the coherence of your relationships with others (no matter who they are or who you are) is your responsibility and the result of your own actions (or beliefs).
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A 'sibling' is a very special connection because usually, we share two very important and powerful things: trauma and trust.
We most often unconditionally love, care for, and deeply trust our siblings no matter what. But we also share the earliest or most intense traumatic experiences, the most painful mental conditioning or belief programming, and emotional abuse.
We have the same deepest wounds, and we often face similar fears in dealing with them.
Siblings share ancestral trauma between them. They have the same Shadow that intimately unites them. They are deeply interconnected with their Light and with their Darkness simultaneously. Both their consciousness and their unconsciousness have resonance or similarities in patterns, in their mechanics or dynamics.
They share their suffering. And they also share their inner resources to deal with it.
Because of shared trauma, the relationship between siblings can be very intense and confusing. If they had a really tough childhood together, it can also be deeply re-traumatizing for them to maintain a coherent relationship as adults.
If they don’t do the appropriate work on trauma integration in their individual systems, seeing each other or being together will most likely make the trauma bond shine and become very visible. When this happens, it’s almost impossible to maintain an authentic heart-to-heart connection.
When we are stuck in past trauma, we literally regress in our conscious awareness. We become immature. We blame, shame, and judge. We want to protect ourselves, and we might become very mean to others to ensure our own survival and well-being.
When both are stuck in the same trauma, it can be very intense and violent. This is also why the most passionate crimes and the most intense stories of undeserved cruelty usually occur between siblings dealing with intense ancestral trauma, but in a very immature and unconscious way.
This is also why siblings can start a real war between them when their parents pass away.
It usually has absolutely nothing to do with the inheritance or the fairness of its distribution among them. They start fighting because of the deep family trauma being radically awakened and the conditions of its distribution between them.
It’s about the suffering and the ancestral trauma they all share, not about money, land, or even love.
Trauma and our inability to wisely deal with it destroy the real quality and depth of the connection we share with our siblings. It’s not because of jealousy, pride, stupidity, or heartlessness. It’s because it really hurts inside, and most of the time, we are so powerless in the face of this pain that we prefer to break the deep soul connection between us, run, and hide instead of facing it with courage and vulnerability.
And with this, we break the trust.
And when trust is truly broken, the trauma bond between you and your siblings will become very intense, violent, and quick to explode in both your faces.
You might 'break up' with your siblings forever after that experience.
And that’s deeply sad because they are actually your best allies to heal your deepest childhood trauma with the most profound understanding and love you can imagine. No one can hold you and care for you with the same presence and awareness in the integration process of your ancestral trauma as your siblings could (if they knew how).
This is why the most important and valuable thing to protect with people you share deep trauma with is the trust you already have between you!
When you destroy trust in a trauma bond, it becomes a deeply re-traumatizing experience for both individuals engaged in it.
By the way, most romantic relationships are also very sophisticated forms of deep, often unconscious trauma bonds. This is why trust seems so important and fragile between people in love. And this is also how you can transform love into hate instantly.
Try to deeply betray the trust of the person you’re in love with, and I can almost guarantee that you’ll awaken the trauma monster hiding in your 'bond,' which might destroy your entire relationship and send you to therapy for a couple of years.
Same goes for siblings. Betrayal and broken trust between brothers and sisters are very painful and very complex. Very intense and very deep. Very violent and very suffering.
This is why, in the past, heirs to a throne or some sort of power would literally start international wars when their parents passed away (or even before), probably because they had no idea how to responsibly and compassionately deal with their very complex ancestral trauma. They only knew how to kill or destroy each other, thinking it would make them suffer internally a bit less. But little did they know, that’s not how it works.
Karma is a bitch.
And when you 'kill' or destroy one of your siblings, you actually take on their part of the ancestral trauma into your personal system. And it also now becomes your responsibility and your individual problem. So now, your suffering might grow exponentially, become more confusing, and even deeper.
This won’t heal your pain. It will just add to it, making it more painful and complex.
If you know how to digest and transform trauma efficiently and effectively in your system, it’s true that you can use your suffering and pain to empower yourself even more. That being said, if you really know how to deal with trauma, you probably wouldn’t want to 'kill' your siblings to become more powerful. Because you’d know that you actually need them to heal yourself with coherence and joy.
Yes, your siblings are the most intense mirrors of what hurts the most in you, of what you probably resist seeing and feeling within yourself. But they are also potentially your best resources and gifts, people you can unconditionally trust to support you on this journey with love, care, and understanding.
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