It is possible to unintentionally destroy someone's life, or even deeply wound their soul, by compromising their sense of safety or survival. Often, this destruction is unintentional, arising from our own compromised sense of security. When our safety is threatened, we can inadvertently become the cause of immense pain and suffering—even to the people we love most—without realizing it.
We can devastate the lives of those we care for through simple, seemingly "innocent" mistakes, often driven by unprocessed trauma and collective pain within our shared consciousness. This happens because, when we fail to acknowledge or manage our own fear, we may unknowingly project it onto others. Sometimes, we project our suffering onto the very people we are trying to help, even while they are in the middle of their own healing process.
In our attempts to “save” or fix someone, we might unintentionally destroy their life, health, and social networks. We may believe that by helping others, we will somehow fix ourselves—transforming our own hidden fears or uncomfortable emotions through them. But in reality, we end up adding to their burden, feeding their insecurity and stress with our unresolved issues, making their struggle even heavier.
When we are scared or our sense of safety is compromised, we should not try to "help" or "support" others who are dealing with their own survival fears. Instead, we must step back, acknowledge our own vulnerability, and take care of ourselves. It’s important to be honest and say: “Right now, I feel unsettled, and I’m not in a safe place within myself to truly support you.”
It’s better to sincerely recognize your fears and walk away than to stay and inadvertently project your own pain onto someone who is already suffering. To truly help someone in deep pain, you must first heal yourself. You cannot be fully compassionate or effective if you haven’t dealt with your own fears and suffering related to the other person’s trauma.
If you ignore your own fear, you risk compromising the other person’s sense of safety and survival. Without realizing it, you may even make their suffering worse. Worse still, you may never fully recognize your contribution to their pain. In such cases, the person you are “helping” becomes a tool for your own empowerment or self-protection. Your aid becomes a means to ease your own suffering, not to genuinely support the other.
Many "wounded healers" operate this way. They project their unresolved trauma onto the people they claim to help, using their clients or patients as vessels for their own healing rather than confronting their wounds directly. This perpetuates cycles of re-traumatization and collective suffering.
The archetype of the Wounded Healer is prevalent in both conventional and alternative healing circles. Neither system is better than the other—they’re both deeply flawed, just in different ways. As a society, we must be aware of this dynamic and work to prevent wounded healers from causing further harm to those they are meant to help.
It is a shared responsibility. The healer must ensure they offer their services from a place of true healing, not from their unresolved wounds. Equally, we are responsible for choosing carefully whose care we accept, ensuring they are in a safe and healed place themselves.
Foundations of Trust
The start of the war in Ukraine was deeply traumatizing for me, and I am still on the journey of healing, trying to digest and integrate the experience of it into my nervous system so I can once again feel safe and at home in my own body.
But why was it so traumatizing and even soul-crushing for me? Logically speaking, I was not physically there; I was not in immediate danger. I was safe—bombs were not falling on my head, and my own survival was not directly threatened.
In the eyes of others, I was supposed to play the role of a "savior." Since I wasn’t in danger myself, many expected me to do something meaningful and heroic to help my mother, my family, my people, and my community. There were expectations for me to become a political activist, a translator, a humanitarian—anything that would allow me to "do my part" and "save" my country.
Yet, within the first three months of the war, I nearly destroyed myself. I couldn't even cook a proper meal, call a friend, or step outside without having a panic attack. The idea of saving someone else from a war felt neither rational nor safe for me at that time.
Even though it didn’t make sense to try and help others while I was suffering, I still tried. I wanted to bring my mother to Canada to live with me. Hearing her terrified voice over the phone every day, with bomb alarms going off in the background, was more unbearable for my nervous system than the thought of having her live with me—even though she had abandoned me at 13, leaving me in the care of abusers and tyrants on another continent.
Despite my own trauma being fully activated, I did my best to bring her here during those early weeks of the war. But I failed, and in the process, I hurt myself even more. For her own reasons, she chose to stay, even in the face of war and danger.
Perhaps her mother's intuition knew what was best for her and her children in those difficult times, even though she almost paid with her life for the decision to remain.
War is terrifying, challenging, and soul-crushing in many ways. But it wasn’t the war that broke me—it was the ordinary people around me, the ones I loved and trusted unconditionally to hold me safely while I suffered. I revealed my vulnerable pain to people who couldn’t hold it with care; instead, they judged and shamed me for my deep suffering.
And that’s what truly damaged me—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—for a long time.
My reality became even more unsafe and confusing, not because of the war in my country, but because of the people around me. These were people I deeply loved, trusted, and cared for—people who, for some reason, tried to "save" me by encouraging me to deny, numb, or repress my emotions. They wanted to prevent me from feeling my genuine grief, my deep sadness, and despair.
In the end, I was more traumatized by the wounded "caregivers" and self-proclaimed "healers" around me than by the actual war or the ancestral trauma that war triggered in my nervous system.
Unraveling Bonds
Before the war, I was already contemplating building my own business project, but I wasn’t fully ready. At the time, I was deeply involved in my personal healing journey. After my second professional burnout, I took a sabbatical to give myself space to recover and truly heal. I chose to focus entirely on my healing process for as long as it was necessary.
Two burnouts before the age of 30 wasn’t normal, and I needed to find answers. Taking that sabbatical became essential for my future survival and happiness. I needed to understand what had led to this point and to change something fundamental within myself.
During that time, I didn’t travel. Instead, I sought to deepen my relationships with other "conscious" and "healing" communities around me. I wanted to heal alongside others like me, within my local community, with people I trusted, loved, and felt safe with.
It made sense to me. For years, I’ve dreamt of living in a community that aligns with my values. I’ve seen it work elsewhere and know it’s possible. I envisioned an ecovillage in Quebec, a place that felt like home, where I could continue growing and living among friends I deeply care for.
Since I already knew what I wanted, why would I go elsewhere? Instead, I decided to learn about the alternative communities and networks around me. I wanted to understand how they worked, what they truly valued, and what they struggled with. What were their desired realities, and what fears or obstacles did they face?
Building a local network of meaningful relationships with like-minded people felt like the perfect foundation for the next chapter of my life. Many of these communities were focused on healing, spiritual awakening, or "holistic consciousness." Some were deeply misleading, lacking logical consistency in their methods, though they were skilled at projecting a beautiful, flawless image to the world.
To those without critical thinking skills, they seemed "perfect." But behind the façade, these communities, too, were full of suffering. Like everyone else, they were grappling with deep wounds, though they’d crafted clever ways to convince others they held the secret to salvation—if you paid enough or offered your soul in return.
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Unfortunately, I didn’t realize any of this when I began building intimate relationships with these supposedly conscious and spiritual communities. I attended their workshops and meditations because they nourished my soul. What I didn’t understand was that many of these "spiritual" people were also deeply wounded themselves, and they had hidden agendas—to save or heal everyone around them, even when no one asked them to.
What I didn’t see was that many of these so-called healers were projecting their own unresolved trauma onto others, the very people they claimed they could heal.
They silently transferred their own unprocessed pain into your system, and in most cases, they charged for it, calling it an "efficient" new-age healing technique. But, in reality, they were using you to heal themselves.
And since they often did heal themselves through these processes, you would feel a kind of relief or healing, too. But this wasn’t your authentic healing; it was theirs. We all heal together because we are interconnected. So, yes, when they heal, you may feel it. But it’s important to discern: whose pain are we healing? Are you using the healer to heal your pain, or is the healer using you to heal theirs?
Echoes of Trauma
Discerning the difference between authentic healing and trauma-bonding is crucial when we embark on a real healing journey. A 'wounded healer' can wound your soul in the deepest ways without you even realizing it. In some cases, it might take years to fully recover your nervous system from the trauma that was unintentionally transmitted to you by your healer.
What I’m addressing here is a very serious issue. The healing process can be extremely re-traumatizing and even dangerous when offered by someone who is still deeply wounded themselves.
Many people struggle to fully recover and heal, not because they are beyond help, but because they are being cared for by wounded caregivers. These caregivers, though well-intentioned, are inefficient healers who cannot genuinely support the patient’s natural recovery and authentic healing process.
The unshakable inner well-being and holistic health—mental, emotional, and physical—of caregivers, doctors, healers, and anyone responsible for supporting people in pain should be mandatory.
A sick doctor should never care for a sick patient. It’s unethical, unproductive, irresponsible, and, in many cases, highly dangerous. Both parties can become sicker and more unwell as a result of such a "healing" process.
The mental health and emotional well-being of those who take care of us directly shape the protocols for our healing journeys.
We are collectively becoming more unwell because we don’t know how to ensure that our medical personnel, healers, and caregivers remain sane, safe, and healthy themselves.
We are stuck in a clever cycle of collective self-destruction where 'wounded healers' are creating more and more 'patients' and 'clients.' And because of this, we all become even sicker, further weakening our ability to support or authentically help others.
How can we regenerate our collective health if the system itself is caught in the re-traumatization pattern, even within 'healing' communities?
How can an unwell or deeply traumatized doctor be a valuable, secure, and meaningful help to others?
They cannot.
It’s hard and frightening to acknowledge this truth. But if you don’t trust the complete inner well-being and expertise of your healer, you should probably not ask them for support. You should seek a new 'doctor,' someone you feel is well in their mind, heart, and body before they even touch yours or engage in conversation.
If you want to heal without additional and unnecessary pain, ensure that the people supporting your healing journey are not wounded or traumatized in the same ways you are.
Why?
Because the risk of trauma-bonding is too high.
When you experience a deep trauma-bond with your healer, your healing journey can become even more confusing, painful, and may compromise your sense of safety. In extreme cases, it could even put your survival at risk.
We must be extremely cautious and aware of the potential for trauma-bonding in our relationships, especially in a 'healing' or 'healer' dynamic.
The invisible and unconscious trauma-bond between a caregiver and a care-seeker can be the most intense and dangerous relational dynamic for both—the 'victim' and the 'savior,' or the 'healer' and the 'client.' This bond doesn’t just affect the individuals involved but also impacts everyone around them.
Entire networks and communities can feel the effects of a trauma-bond between a healer and their client. It can be confusing, painful, and disturbing for many who are directly or indirectly connected to those entangled in that dynamic.
This becomes highly systemic, with far-reaching consequences if the trauma-bond between the savior and victim isn’t handled with care and wisdom when first noticed in the healing relationship.
The Weight of Expectations
Before the war, I had developed a beautiful friendship with a truly amazing soul. We were both walking our own healing journeys, side by side, exploring the deeper meanings and truths of our shared reality.
Though we didn’t use the same tools for our self-realization or healing, and we followed different 'spiritual' schools and 'conscious' teachers, our paths had enough similarities to create a strong connection. It was deeply nourishing, a relationship that brought light and joy into my life. I loved, respected, and trusted this person deeply. She had a grandiose heart and a spirit so beautiful it felt like a gift.
I welcomed her into my life completely, introducing her to my social network, my friends, my intimate circle. She slowly became a deeply interconnected part of my world.
Since I loved and trusted her, it made me happy to see her fit so seamlessly into my life. She got along with my friends, and her purpose seemed to mirror mine at that time. It felt natural that we became close, and I believed we could even work together on life-changing projects with others in my circle. We were complementary but also drastically different, a combination that held the potential for deep transformations and systemic innovations.
We were drawn to each other, united by shared dreams and similar desires. But what also bonded us—unknowingly at first—was the presence of an unconscious trauma-bond. It was buried in the depths of our relationship, maybe waiting to be transformed through our connection.
But instead of healing, it did the opposite. The intensity of that trauma-bond ultimately destroyed our relationship. It nearly destroyed both of us in the process. It also created unnecessary suffering for many people around us who were drawn into our chaos, trying to help ease the pain.
A trauma-bond between two people can create confusion and suffering, spreading like wildfire to entire communities and networks. It can happen quickly, and its impact can be both intense and long-lasting.
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When the war in my country began, she was there for me. She did her best to support me through my misery and suffering. She listened with an open heart and unconditionally witnessed my pain. For that, I am endlessly grateful. Her courage and compassion during those times were incredible—she was a warrior who held space for me despite her own suffering and fears.
At first, she was a resource, helping me co-regulate my nervous system. She created a space where I could process my war-related trauma. She seemed to listen without judgment, welcoming my despair, anger, sadness, and fear. But things shifted quickly.
She became different around me, and I felt unsafe. Something had changed. Her behavior grew strange, and I began to feel as if she was corrupting my social network and friends. I couldn’t explain it, but I stopped trusting her. In just a few days, I went from seeing her as a friend to feeling threatened by her presence.
I wanted to talk to her, to understand what was happening, but being around her filled me with fear. She once provided support, but now I was scared for my life and sanity when we were together.
It made no logical sense at the time, but I trusted my feelings. I had no choice—I was scared for my life. My body knew she wasn’t safe to be around, even if my mind couldn’t understand why. And yet, she kept trying to help me, oblivious to the fear she was causing.
She began reaching out to my family, mentors, teachers, and friends, sharing her concerns about my mental health. She insisted that I was 'crazy' and needed immediate psychiatric help. She spread false stories about me to everyone in my circle, diagnosing me with a range of mental and emotional disorders, though she had no expertise in this area.
She became obsessed with being right, demanding that everyone agree with her assessment. Those who didn’t were met with judgment and hostility. She even yelled at my sister, accusing her of being irresponsible for not sending me to a psychiatric hospital immediately.
Despite having no real understanding of my situation, she took it upon herself to 'save' me from my suffering. She advised my friends and healers on how to 'handle' me, but her involvement only caused more confusion and re-traumatization for everyone, including myself.
She couldn’t see what was happening inside her own nervous system, mind, or heart.
Shadows of Mistrust
I wasn’t 'crazy.' I was in a profound spiritual and emotional pain.
My mind was perfectly fine—sane even. But my heart and soul shattered into a million pieces when I first heard my mother's terrified voice over the phone, telling me that the war had begun.
I didn’t need a psychiatric hospital or anti-depressants. What I needed was to cry and scream out my grief safely. I needed other human beings to sit with me, to help me process my pain, to hold my hand if necessary. I needed a community I could trust, where I could feel safe as I navigated my grief.
I didn’t ask for unsolicited medical advice, in-depth trauma psychoanalysis, or 'psychic' readings of my soul.
All I wanted was a simple, authentic hug. I wanted to be seen, felt, and accepted—without judgment—by the people I loved and trusted, even when I was drowning in pain.
I never asked to be 'saved' or 'healed.' I wasn’t trying to numb or repress my suffering. I needed to feel it, to sink into the depths of my own pain within a community that could hold me safely. I wanted people who could care for me, witness me as I was, while I worked on saving and healing myself.
I asked for empathy. Simple human compassion—to be witnessed in my suffering without judgment, shame, or fear. I wasn’t looking for some higher 'spiritual' authority to control my soul or unsolicited guidance from imaginary gods or so-called 'healers.'
I needed a community of ordinary, mature people who could hold space for someone experiencing very real, very normal war-related emotional pain. I didn’t need a savior, or a self-proclaimed 'healer' to magically ease my suffering without being asked.
I never wanted to be 'fixed' or 'rescued.' All I wanted was to be loved, held, and cared for—even when my suffering was unbearable.
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But I was surrounded by 'wounded healers,' people who were unable to hold me safely or create the space I needed to heal. They couldn’t recognize their own limitations, and that unawareness made them dangerous. They became harmful, even abusive, to the very people they claimed to be helping, serving, and 'healing.'
Instead of admitting, 'I’m sorry, I can’t help you right now because I’m scared myself,' they projected their fears and insecurities onto their 'clients,' as they did with me—making me even more terrified than I already was. They tried to convince me that I was probably 'crazy' or maybe possessed by some 'dark energy.'
It seems easier, sometimes, to make the 'client' even sicker than to admit that we, as 'doctors,' aren’t equipped to help—because we’re still deeply wounded ourselves. We might prioritize protecting our reputation and business, even if it means harming our clients.
The ignorance and arrogance of a 'wounded healer' or a traumatized spiritual mentor can mess you up internally for a very long time. Be cautious when choosing your personal 'healers,' 'care-givers,' or spiritual 'teachers.' Watch for trauma-bonds—they’re subtle, but they can be devastating.
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Do we need to condemn the 'wounded healers' to achieve justice? Should they be punished for their ignorance and cruelty, which only perpetuates suffering?
I don’t believe so.
A 'wounded healer' needs authentic healing too, not prison or shameful judgment. Most of them try their best. No one intentionally causes harm. No one sets out to inflict more suffering.
Healers and care-givers often sacrifice a lot to help others. While they have a 'dark side' or unprocessed trauma, they are not always 'wounded.' They are often powerful healers who save lives and help people in genuine need.
Imprisoning a healer for a mistake—especially one rooted in their own trauma—doesn’t deliver justice. It’s a hollow revenge. It makes no sense.
How many people would lose access to real help, to a healer who genuinely saves lives, if we punished every 'wounded healer' for human mistakes?
As a society, we lose more by seeking 'justice' or revenge. We should focus on healing—both the healer and the patient—from the deep trauma caused by simple human error.
We don’t need to be punished by a corrupt system to pay for our mistakes. We need to heal, process, integrate, and understand why our actions may have harmed others—and learn how to prevent it in the future.
We should learn from our mistakes as a collective. But too often, we choose punishment or revenge against those who’ve hurt us, even when the harm wasn’t intentional.
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Imagine how much more effective and affordable the medical system could be if doctors or healers weren’t terrified of being imprisoned or having their lives destroyed for making human mistakes.
They’re not gods. They don’t know everything. And they, too, have their own trauma. That doesn’t mean they should stop being doctors or healers. They deserve the same chance to heal, to learn from their mistakes, and to continue serving with real care, wisdom, and compassion.
A doctor is not an authority over your health, nor do they control your well-being or personal choices. Since they’re not the 'boss' of your body, soul, or free will, they shouldn’t be held solely responsible for your health.
The desire for revenge often comes because you’ve already given too much power to your healer or doctor. You placed authority and responsibility for your health in their hands. You may have followed their advice blindly, even when it didn’t make sense to you.
People often seek revenge not because of the genuine harm done, but because the person who caused the harm was in a position of power or authority—and was seen as responsible for the pain.
If the relationship between healer and patient were truly based on 'power with' rather than 'power over,' we wouldn’t have trauma-bond problems in healing communities. We’d develop trauma-informed practices and social structures that support the healing process safely for both healer and client.
In the Eye of the Storm
A normal, mature, and responsible 'healer' doesn't often develop trauma bonds with their patients or clients.
It's actually quite rare for a good and respected healer to find themselves in such a situation. If they genuinely possess the authentic capacities for healing others, they usually know how a trauma bond feels in their system, what it does, and they often keep themselves far from it, especially concerning their clients.
However, even the most skillful and masterful healers can sometimes find themselves in intricate trauma bonds without recognizing or managing them coherently and in time. Even super powerful healers can be ensnared in deeply confusing systemic trauma and be completely unaware of it.
They might be profoundly 'wounded' by something without even realizing it or being able to consciously feel it within their inner system. Some 'clients' can violently open very deep traumas and activate intense trauma bonds for certain 'healers.'
This should also be acknowledged. Sometimes, clients have the potential to traumatize their healers in the deepest parts of their souls.
Many individuals who have tried to 'save' or 'fix' me within my social circles while I was processing war-related trauma became confused and potentially suffered deeply in their own realities and personal lives.
My personal trauma managed to create deep suffering for my healers and my supportive community, which in turn re-traumatized me even more profoundly as a result.
...
I found myself caught in a trauma bond with someone—a dear friend—who genuinely wanted to help me at first. Yet, she was suffering deeply herself and had no idea how to take care of someone while grappling with her own pain. Which is normal.
I became entangled in a deep war-related trauma bond with one of my best friends. We both did our best to care for each other. However, the emotional intensity, complexity, and mental distortions this trauma bond generated led to considerable suffering and pain in many of our intimate relationships.
It took me almost three years to understand what exactly happened back then and why.
Why did she insist on labeling me as 'crazy'? Why did she try to turn my entire support network—my mentors and friends—against me? Why did she become unsafe and unkind toward me? Why was she yelling at me for no reason, and why did she create so much pain, distortion, and chaos in my personal reality and social network?
I honestly could not make sense of it. Yes, I felt anger, despair, sadness, and deep suffering, but I couldn't seek any form of revenge or justice because something still didn't add up.
In a way, she did contribute significantly to my most painful experiences and challenges, yet I couldn't truly be mad at her. I knew it was not intentional or 'on purpose,' even though she very intentionally lied to everyone around her about my life and was abusive to me personally at that moment.
It seemed she was unaware of what she was actually doing and the unnecessary suffering she was causing in someone else's life. She played the role of a 'savior' (that I never asked her to play) while potentially enduring even greater inner suffering than the person she was trying to help.
She was deeply 'asleep' and stuck in her own profound inner trauma. She was unsafe to care for someone in pain because she honestly needed to be taken care of herself. Yet, she still did her best to help someone else, even while deeply suffering inside and being very confused.
Ultimately, she was the one who needed help and genuine support at that moment. Instead, she projected her deep unconscious suffering onto the reality of the one she claimed to take care of and provide authentic support for.
Seeking Clarity
Making me 'crazy' and unwell was a way for her to normalize her own state and feel stable at that moment.
It's a combination of a powerful protection mechanism and the incredible ability to project one’s fears onto others. She is wise, smart, and a powerful protector, but she was deeply wounded.
If only she could save me and fix my deep pain, she wouldn’t need to confront or even recognize her own inner suffering. It’s a logical, human response. When we skillfully project our fears, traumas, and suffering onto others, we can convince ourselves that we are free of suffering ourselves. It’s a defense mechanism.
This illusion is deeply harmful in the grand scheme of things, yet we all resort to it to shield ourselves from additional pain. We know it never truly works, but we still try to magically heal ourselves by making others even sicker than we are.
But why did my personal inner suffering lead to her becoming so deregulated and traumatized? Why did her protection mechanisms grow so powerful? Why did she fall 'asleep'? Why did she inflict even more pain during my most challenging times, especially when I knew she loved and cared for me?
I have not spoken to her since the events I’ve described here, and I honestly have no idea how her life has unfolded or where she is on her journey of healing. To be candid, I genuinely don’t care.
Thanks to her arrogance and ignorance, I now understand the power of deep trauma bonds, the risks of unprocessed collective suffering, and the kinds of 'monsters' it can create in our shared reality without us even realizing it. I see how we can become unsafe and even abusive to those we love by trying to help them from our own wounded spaces.
...
The person who created chaos and contributed to my deep suffering when the war in my country began was herself a war survivor. She grew up amidst conflict, experiencing unspeakable horrors as a child surrounded by bombs and her deeply wounded community of caregivers.
I don’t know what healing processes she has undergone to integrate the suffering from her childhood trauma, but it’s clear to me now that it wasn’t enough for her to provide safe care during my times of need.
What I believe happened is that a war-related trauma bond formed between me and my friend.
I was enduring a war in the present, which likely awakened her most intense pain while she was trying to care for me. She probably felt guilty and ashamed to experience pain from her past when her friend was going through something so horrific in the present.
She may have believed that what she felt didn’t belong to her. She likely wished to stop her soul from crushing and her heart from breaking. In her effort to protect her own inner child and the integrity of her nervous system, she was grappling with profound, undigested collective pain from her own war-related experiences.
She was wounded and deeply traumatized due to her life experiences during the war. But to address her wounds, she needed real help and support from those around her. She was not meant to play the role of a helper or savior for someone who triggered her own intense trauma.
Yet, the 'bystanders' and so-called conscious 'healers' around us failed to recognize this at the time. Instead of helping us both or finding ways to ease the trauma bond, they blindly assessed who was more 'crazy' or unstable between us.
They engaged in revenge, competition, protection, or judgment when confronted with the profound suffering caused by war.
As a result, we all became highly dysregulated, confused, and wounded, and we were deeply and severely re-traumatized.
We all suffered immensely, and there’s honestly no point in comparing who suffered less or more or why.
Breaking Patterns
After three years of deep, painful healing and complex trauma integration, I finally have an answer that makes coherent and meaningful sense to me now.
The validity or actual 'truth' of this understanding doesn’t matter to me as much anymore. It aligns with what I comprehend about myself and human nature. I understand the rational meaning of my suffering; therefore, I can fully forgive it all and let go. I can genuinely heal and humbly continue my path of evolution, striving to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future.
I sincerely wish the same for all those I might have unconsciously and unintentionally caused suffering during my inner turmoil. I wish things had turned out differently. I wish I had been wiser, smarter, and stronger. I wish I had known how to handle my war-related trauma without causing systemic re-traumatization for my entire community and social network.
But I didn’t know how to do better back then. Like everyone else, I did my best. I deeply know, sense, and feel this, and I have nothing to be ashamed or scared of.
Thus, I have completely and unconditionally forgiven myself and even the 'others' involved.
Even if I still occasionally feel the deep pain of betrayal, rejection, humiliation, and abandonment by those I trusted most in my life—friends, healers, and mentors—I still believe in the power of healing, compassion, and unconditional forgiveness.
Even when my sense of deep trust, personal integrity, and dignity was shattered by my caregivers in the most intimate relationships during my toughest traumas, I maintain unshakable faith in our humanity, our nature, and the real possibility for authentic collective healing of our deepest wounds.
I do not seek justice, revenge, or fairness. I don’t want the 'perpetrator' or the 'abuser' to suffer as I did or to pay for my pain. I don’t care for excuses, blaming, judgments, or endless cycles of meaningless shame that serve no purpose.
All of this feels completely useless and unproductive to me.
I know that none of this will help me or anyone else involved in my personal systemic trauma story or its effective and safe integration process. Only love and compassion can bring authentic personal and collective healing to our deepest wounds—not revenge, resentment, or even justice. They lack the capacity for true healing and transformative power.
Revenge can only perpetuate the endless and unconscious cycles of human suffering, intensifying our undigested pain rather than authentically healing or transforming it into peace and love.
Only genuine and unconditional acceptance and forgiveness of what was and still is makes sense to me, even if it is painful, confusing, or unfair, and even if it takes years to discern who to forgive, why, or how.
Reclaiming Power
There are two meaningful and justified reasons to explore the past: to repair it and seek amends, or to learn from our mistakes to avoid repeating the same suffering for ourselves or others in the future. Honestly, there is no other coherent or sufficient reason to spend your energy or time reflecting on the past, whether it’s personal or collective.
If you are not interested in authentic healing or coherent trauma integration of your own deepest life experiences and suffering, it would be best to truly forget about it and move on. What happened back then is unchangeable.
If you lack a genuine desire to feel your inner trauma and heal it one day, you should seriously try not to dwell on it and avoid endlessly discussing it with others who likely won’t understand.
Since I am not seeking understanding, truth, healing energy, or even fairness or judgment regarding my personal experiences, what is the purpose of writing all this and potentially sharing it publicly?
The answer is simple: I do this mainly to ensure I don’t repeat the same mistakes without consciously realizing it.
I want to prevent becoming a blind perpetuator of suffering for the people I love and genuinely wish to help. I never want anyone—especially my enemies or those who have truly abused me in the past—to suffer as I did during those times.
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I want to make others aware that there are two types of dangerous 'healers' and 'care providers.'
The first type is simply incompetent and irresponsible. This type should not even call themselves 'healers' or anything related to practices that carry responsibility for the well-being of others who genuinely need support and care. They should either find another path or put in the effort to become true healers, enduring the struggles that require dedication before offering their questionable services to others for money.
The second type of dangerous healers may not be inherently bad, unskilled, or unethical; they can be powerful, respectful, and compassionate in their authentic healing capacities and expertise. However, they may still hurt and traumatize some clients if they remain wounded, dishonest, or unhealed regarding the matters they attempt to address in others.
Incompetence and ignorance in healing require education, experience, money, motivation, and serious learning processes.
To be a skillful caregiver, one must learn the basic knowledge and wisdom necessary to care for others safely and meaningfully. This is simple logic.
However, it’s important to recognize that even if you are the most powerful and competent healer in the world, you are not fully protected from becoming a 'wounded healer' yourself. You could become ensnared in a clever trauma bond with your clients or unintentionally harm your patients without even realizing how or why.
Trauma integration and healing primarily require safe relationships with others, empathy, normal human skills of compassion, and ample time for secure digestion. This process is essential for anyone suffering or deeply traumatized, even if they are already authentic and powerful healers.
We all need deep healing from our collective suffering, and we are all responsible and accountable for our own journeys and personal challenges.
The authority and control over our healing processes belong only to us. The responsibility for our health should not fall on our 'wounded healers.' They are not our saviors or bosses; we must have the inner wisdom, discernment, and courage to maintain sovereignty over our health and inner well-being, regardless of circumstances.
If we genuinely want to end the cycle of collective suffering, we must be willing to forgive all the roles we have played—consciously or unconsciously—toward one another: the savior, the victim, and the persecutor. All of these must be accepted, forgiven, and transformed into something more meaningful, compassionate, productive, and coherent for all of us in the future.
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I am sharing this publicly to teach myself how to do better next time and ensure I don’t repeat the mistakes of others in my personal experience or life, but in a different role. I never want anyone else to suffer as I did. I especially don’t want to become a perpetuator of that kind of suffering for those around me one day.
So, please, if you don’t trust me, believe in my authentic expertise, or feel unsafe around me because you think I haven’t properly integrated my trauma—or for any other reason—please don’t ask for my help, support, guidance, or services.
I don’t want to work with clients who don’t already trust me and feel safe around me before our collaboration. I honestly don’t want to profit from their money if my business or personal practice turns out to be deeply re-traumatizing for them at some point.
I should not sell something I am not skilled or 'healed' enough to offer. I want my clients and collaborators to be as aware as possible to make their own decisions safely, responsibly, and with their free will when considering working with me.
I am not a healer, and I am not a caregiver; however, I work in the realms of innovation, co-creation, and deep systemic transformation.
To succeed in what I do—achieving desired outcomes for my clients with pleasure—I must engage intimately with both the collective flow of pure emergent co-creation and the field of collective-level trauma and deep systemic suffering.
Paths to Healing
What I can offer in terms of guidance and support is transformative, systemic, radical, and deeply exciting on many levels.
I know that my process truly works. I understand the power of the "medicine" I am offering to this world and how and why it achieves its effects. Yet, I also recognize that radical innovation and co-creation can become risky—and even dangerous—if not properly understood.
If I am not completely honest and transparent about how this process works and its real effects on you and our shared system, I jeopardize my own journey and put my business at risk. This is not just about ethics, market law, or corporate social responsibility; it is primarily about my safety and happiness. It is vital for me to be crystal clear about the transformative processes I offer.
While I recognize the profound potential for healing and systemic regeneration within my services—sometimes a by-product of effective co-creation methodologies—I also understand the risks of systemic re-traumatization or deep suffering. If my processes, services, or teachings are not applied in a safe, integral, and responsible manner, I put us both in danger.
If you are not fully aware of the actual risks involved in co-creation processes and how to manage them, we might find ourselves entangled in an unconscious trauma bond while attempting to innovate together.
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I am doing my part to ensure that my co-creation process and business are as trauma-informed as possible. I am very strict about not accepting "clients" with traumas I have not yet fully processed myself.
However, I cannot know everything, nor can I predict the uncertainty or exact unfolding of the unpredictable and completely emergent process of co-creation. I might still be unconscious about certain aspects of myself or my process, regardless of my confidence in my abilities, expertise, and personal integrity. I am still human.
This is why it is crucial for me to work with clients who are wise, responsible, and highly self-aware.
You might wonder why I would offer such risky consultancy services that might even be somewhat traumatizing. Why not create something simpler, already tested, approved, and, most importantly, entirely safe?
Honestly, I would love to, but my passion and personal mission revolve around co-creation and systemic innovation. I will continue on this path, even if it seems risky or dangerous to some.
Both innovation and co-creation possess immense potential to change and regenerate us and the world around us. This is why we have been utilizing them extensively over the past decades. We have co-created an innovation-driven world, and now we are all grappling with the painful consequences of its uncalculated risks and unpredictable dangers.
I do not want to prohibit or flee from radical innovations or systemic co-creation opportunities simply because they are scary or risky. Instead, I want to learn how to manage those risks effectively to maximize benefits and chances for success. Given that we are innovating and co-creating globally, I aim to ensure we do so responsibly, coherently, safely, and meaningfully.
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To change or transform something wisely, we must understand how to address our inherent resistance to change.
This resistance is often tied to unprocessed and unintegrated trauma from our past. Our fears about co-creative systemic innovation are intelligent and wise. We must learn to listen to them and be honest about them with others if we wish to innovate and co-create with real fun, coherence, and meaning.
I still believe in the power of change, and I know we can all be co-leaders and co-creators of such collective transformation in our shared reality.
This is why I am dedicated to helping people authentically co-create and innovate in better, safer, and more systemic ways—even if it may be uncomfortable or challenging at times.
Knowing the real benefits and trusting my process, I am willing to take the risks inherent in the unknown that I can never fully control or prepare for.
I will do my best to provide the most valuable and safest services possible to my community and clients, but I cannot promise perfection or the absence of "mistakes."
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I refuse to pretend to have authority or control over things that are beyond my reach.
The consequences of emergent processes and the genuine impacts of co-creation or radical innovation are not entirely under my power or responsibility. However, if you are willing to take ownership of your own suffering and transform it into something more meaningful and less painful, I can guide you in using your deepest trauma to heal the entire system—and yourself—through systemic regeneration, radical innovation, and emergent co-creation processes.
I cannot heal your wounds, fix your personal trauma, or help you cope with your inner suffering or fears. But I can help you build networks, projects, and business ecosystems that will transform our wounds and past hurts into something more meaningful, coherent, and aligned with the process of collective co-creation.
I cannot fix what has been done to you in the past or prevent it from happening again. This is your journey of healing and personal evolution, and it is separate from my business.
Once you feel safe in your own body and comfortable with your reality, and if you are ready to serve others from that beautifully regulated space, I can be instrumental in helping you build holistic strategies and highly effective business networks.
If you genuinely wish to ensure that others do not suffer as you did, I can help you comprehend the power dynamics of interconnected sub-systems in your business environment, team, or projects.
This knowledge will empower you to innovate and co-create a shared reality that does not unconsciously perpetuate the same level of pain or abuse in our shared future but instead fosters systemic regeneration and supports the natural healing process of our collective soul and environment.
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If you seek rapid financial gain by repeating the same actions, I am not your ideal business partner or consultant.
However, if you desire to make your business and your contribution to the world more meaningful, impactful, and coherent with our collective whole—and if you have the courage to lead deep systemic transformation in a collaborative manner—I can help you, your business, and your community make the entire innovation and co-creation process safer, wiser, more creative, and even more pleasurable for all involved.
I cannot heal, save, or magically fix your karma or ease your personal pain. But if you wish, I can assist you in co-creating a social infrastructure and coherent business ecosystem that will support us all in healing safely, gently, efficiently, and truly collectively.
I do not numb, silence, or deny the profound suffering around me. I am not interested in superficially patching complex issues; I seek to break the deep cycles of suffering within myself and the systems I inhabit.
I do not wish to render my suffering unconscious or hidden; I want to stop it and outgrow it for good, at least in my personal reality. To do this, I must consciously understand why I suffer, have the courage to feel it deeply, and learn how to transform it into something more beautiful, meaningful, and coherent.
Each person has their unique path of healing and evolution. We all possess unique gifts and powers to share with others and contribute to the collective whole.
Mine relates to radical innovation, authentic co-creation processes, and macro-level systemic transformations. I have known this about myself and my path since the beginning of my existence.
Now, I want to master how to offer my innate gifts and authentic powers to the world without compromising the sense of safety for others or myself.
How can I make systemic co-creation processes and innovation strategies truly trauma-informed?
How can I contribute to making our collective transformation journey more meaningful, coherent, and pleasurable?
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