Resistance

Resistance is an opposing force.

It takes two to play the game of resistance. There is a need to have something else we are opposing ourselves to, to experience the phenomenon of resistance.

The resistance to healing. The resistance to providing care and love to the body. What is it about?

Healing is dancing with the resistance to it. Observe the dance. Don’t only focus on the resistance. See the polarity dance between both. See the tango. See the chess game happening. Update your reference of observation and witnessing. See the system of two, not only the resistance in isolation.

Shame. Fear. Strength. Plexus Vacuum. Power. Creation.

It’s all interconnected.

The truth is I always had a lot of opposing force in me to systemic nonsense. Since I was a kid, I was trying to find any possible way to bring light to the incoherences in our collective thinking. I was always challenging established systems of beliefs. I was pushing boundaries. I was walking on the edges. I was visiting the most uncomfortable environments to deeply understand what the real problem is.

My nonobedience to the nonsense in this world was triggering to many around me: my family, my teachers, my wider community. Their triggers were generating and waking up lots of shame and fear from our collective past about the suffering of nonobedience to the tribe or to the system.

Many have experienced very traumatic situations related to resistance to the commonly established truth. Even if this truth is a complete illusion and is potentially completely messed up.

So, because we fear what happens to us if we resist, we collectively obey the nonsense of illusory and suffering ‘truth’ that is mainly based on mistakes from our past.

My sense of resistance is my super weapon. It’s my gift. I can do magic with this tool. I can also hurt myself and others with it.

Because when I make my resistance conscious to you, it triggers the part of you that is on the opposite side of that resistance. If I question the relevance of any well-established truth and social belief, it will force others to question their own beliefs and reaffirm to themselves the validity of that truth. They might feel fear to ask themselves those kinds of questions because of what it could represent to their overall sense of self. How much of their inner system needs to change to accept that possibility as something valuable or even questionable.

We would shame those who ask silly questions like that. We blame, we think they are crazy, we don’t want them to speak the truth. We turn the back, and we try to forget. We censure. We resist.

I was trying to find many ways to express my resistance to the nonsense and lack of awareness in my surroundings. The more I was naming and acting on my authentic truth, the more the ‘resistance’ in the systems around me was growing as well. One of the best examples of this being manifested in my personal early life, was the relationship with my mother.

The more I was becoming my authentic self, the more my mother was scared, ashamed, and confused. The more I was in my power, the more she was projecting into me all her negative emotions and telling me that my personal truth is guilty of her suffering. She was manipulating me with affection and love to make me shut up. To obey. To make myself both invisible and perfect. Broken, but successful. Unhappy, but comfortable.

She abandoned me and made me believe it's all my fault. My authenticity and inner truth were making her sick and stressed. My power was her source of suffering. And she was very clear about that. Her hypertension and her migraines were always somehow my fault.

My way of being, growing, and evolving was too much for her. So, she decided to ship me to the other side of the world into the hands of strangers in the hope that I’ll find my way around one day. She understood that if I am far, I’ll probably be the headache of someone else now and she can go back to her normal, independent, empowered, and numb life.

In complete denial. But, well, she was looking for peace of mind, and getting rid of her 13-year-old daughter seemed like a perfect strategy to get what she wanted. She didn’t realize that she basically told me that I was not worthy of her love because of who I was inside of me.

This was actually way more harmful to my inner world than abandonment and emotional abuse.

My essence and my deeper truth were the reason why my mother rejected me.

To teach me obedience and the reality of cruel life, she sent me to an abusive home in a foreign country with no expectation to have me back. She was protecting herself and her health. And she was thinking about my ‘future’ where I’ll maybe one day become a no-trouble, nice, and agreeing-to-the-nonsense person.

She taught me the cleverness of the socialization process. She used me as a container for her personal shame and fear. She filled me with her own insecurities and made me responsible for it.

She made love a currency at home. We needed to deserve and merit love. Love was conditional on the degree of our obedience to the completely messed-up system of belief of our mother.

She thought that my inadequacy and uniqueness were the source of her suffering. She tried to control my source. She failed.

So, she decided to cut her connections to my source to save herself and me from additional wars between us.

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I found myself on the exact definition of hell on Earth with only one thought, it’s all my fault. I deserve this. Being who I am is wrong, broken, unlovable, and unacceptable.

Without even realizing this, she actually won the battle.

She made me very confused about my inner truth. She has finally made me ashamed of who I was inside. She finally made me doubt that my gift of resistance and nonobedience to the systemic nonsense is wrong and broken. She indeed shut me up. She made silence and invisibility safer. She made loneliness and isolation more secure than connection and relation to the other. She created some rules in my head where I only had access to one of the realities at a time. Either I am lonely and alone in my authentic power, or I am in connection to the others by being completely disconnected from myself.

She closed the door for me to the universe where both exist. Where I can be who I am truly, to have the freedom to become whatever I want and still belong unconditionally to the interconnected web of Life.

She offered me the choice between inner power and belonging. She made those options mutuality-exclusive for me.

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Obviously after that, I have been offered this choice so many times by Life. In so many different situations and contexts. In so many ways.

I have always tried to create a world where both coexist. I mostly failed until now.

In most cases, I was ending up choosing to preserve my inner power. I was re-acting my trauma of abandonment over and over as a price to pay for my freedom of individuality. I was sacrificing my belonging to preserve my authentic truth.

There is a difference between a belief and the truth.

I was not defending my beliefs; I was fighting for my inner truth. It’s not the same battle. Not the same intention. Not the same source of power and motivation.

The truth triggers way more than a belief. This is why the truth and resistance walk hand in hand. The opposing force to the truth is everything we have chosen to unsee and forget. In order to integrate the polarity, both should be felt as a dynamic system, the truth and the illusion.

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What is the illusion?

Illusion is simply a mental projection of what is invisible and unknown. It’s a guess. It’s an approximation of something that does not yet exist, therefore is not real. Illusion cannot be true, but the truth is actually born from the ocean of illusions, projections, and dreams.

Even if it's not real, we can live and build a life in a world of illusions. In a universe of unmanifested and nonexistent truth.

So, what is truth?

The truth is in the now. In the moment where existence meets nonexistence. The truth includes both. The truth is the edge between both. Existence is reality. Nonexistence is potential.

The truth is where the creative potential of the invisible meets the visible of embodied present moment.

The truth includes the resistance between the past and the future. The truth is already both.

The Now is a dance between the future and the past. The past is a memory and an experience of the known. The future is an insight from the invisible, from the unknown. The future is an illusion of one of the potentials from what is not yet manifested. From something that is not true yet.

Illusion is a necessary ingredient of the truth. Without illusion, the concept of truth makes no sense.

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The goal is not to be in the truth.

The intention is to observe the dance between the illusion and the truth. Between the visible and the invisible.

This is the real difference between knowledge and wisdom.

Knowledge can be true or false. Wisdom cannot be categorized in such a way. Real wisdom includes both. The truth and the illusion. Wisdom is the clarity and discernment between both. Wisdom is about understanding the dance between both, not being the preacher of one of the sides of the coin.

You choose the dance, not a favorite partner. If you are on the side of the truth, you fight for knowledge; you are not becoming wiser and more experienced.

Wisdom is not always true, and yet it is way more powerful than knowledge. Wisdom heals the separation and integrates the polarities. Wisdom creates systemic peace, kindness, and coherence.

Knowledge contributes to division and judgment. Knowledge that is not connected to everything else in the world of illusions creates wars, social inequalities, and mass depression.

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We try to heal the fragmentation by establishing more separation. Why?

We try to find the truth by cutting ourselves from the illusive reality of Now. We blind ourselves to parts of what is real in attempts to find what is true.

Do you want the real or do you want the true?

Those are very different ways of approaching life. You don’t have the same mindset or experience when you seek reality and not the truth. When you choose wisdom over knowledge. When you choose the now that includes both the truth of the past and the illusion of the future.

You don’t pick and choose what to include and what to exclude. You just acknowledge what is present and real in the now. Including the true and the untrue part of it.

So, what is the wisdom of the resistance?

The resistance is there to show what you are supposed to include as a part of yourself and your experience. Not what you need to separate yourself from. To get rid of. To change. To destroy.

It teaches you how to integrate, not how to protect yourself from it. When you consciously integrate your resistance as a valuable part of the overall operating system, knowledge becomes wisdom. The true becomes real.

Do you want to live in the land of the ‘true-man’ show, or do you want to experience the play of shared and co-created reality on the edge between truth and illusion?

Are you just the player, or are you the co-creator of this game as well?

If you choose the truth over reality, you are the player in one of the teams, you fight. If you want reality, you need to be comfortable co-creating with illusion and truth on equal terms. Only then will you begin to play the game you are also a co-creator of.

Only then you’ll start transforming your knowledge into wisdom. Only then will you get what the real Now means. Only then will you understand the true price and the cost of the truth.

Only then will you experience the real bliss and pleasure of reality.

Only when the truth becomes meaningless, will you clearly see what is true. Only then can your dreams from your own illusions also become real and true in your life.