Lost in Alignment

I don't know how to remain vertical without losing my horizontal connections. Is this why I smoke? Is this why I isolate myself? Is this why I am still confused sometimes about my inner compass?

What is being 'vertical' anyway?

When we say connect to your 'verticality', what are we even talking about?

Sometimes we also talk about alignment. Vertical alignment or horizontal alignment.

So when you are aligned, what exactly are you attuning yourself to? What are you aligning yourself with?

...

When I practice my vertical alignment, first of all, I connect to my spine. The physical one. From my head to my ass.

I try to feel what I am able to feel. I listen. I relax. I sense the openings and the contractions. I take my time, and I breathe with it until I am sure I feel my base and ground clearly enough.

At this point, I include not only physical but also more subtle energetic perceptions in my field of sensing.

So, I feel the central line. The beam of light in the middle of my body. I feel more strongly the electricity running from up to down and from down to up all simultaneously like a beautiful river flowing in different directions at the same time.

Once that is done, I go down. I connect to my roots and to the resources of my ancestors (both integrated and unintegrated parts of it). Both pains and joys. Both struggles and gifts.

I also connect to the land I am currently on. I acknowledge and open up to the ancestral baggage and history of the soil and ground where my feet are walking right now.

I don't really care if it's light or still in the shadow. My goal at this point is to connect to the Earth in the most aligned way, and to do so, I need to be inclusive of everything I have under me. With no judgment, with no resentment. With no blame or shame.

I use my roots and the land to align myself with the real (0;0) coordinates of the planet I am connecting to. This helps me to go deeper and to connect directly to the Earth. To its center. To its core.

Once I feel that, I go up. I go beyond my crown. I go directly to the Universe. And what do I align myself with in there?

Ha, this is interesting.

Until now, the process I am doing is pretty much the same for most people I met who practice alignment (except for some very wild and skilled 'travelers' I've met on my path).

Things become a bit different when we go up.

Some people align themselves with the Sun or any other star in this galaxy or beyond. Some to the Soul or Spirit. Some to the Source. Some to their dead dog or imaginary friend from childhood.

Some to God. Or any other of her/his 'delegates'...

Some probably don't even know to what a fuck they connect to in there and why.

The world of Up is big and diverse. And you can connect and align yourself with literally anything you want in there.

And if you are unconscious and unaware of what you connect to when you go up, something connects to you. Something gets you aligned to them. This is a very important moment to understand before going anywhere further than your own nose.

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So, when you go up, where do you put the (0;0) coordinates that you aligned yourself to vertically?

You have your central line aligned with the center of the Earth, and where does your beam of light go when it's going up?

Hm. This is interesting. This makes me think about so many things at the same time.

…

In my personal practice, the up actually depends.

It's more intuitive. And it depends on my intentions at that particular moment. It also depends on the state of my inner system and how comfortable and safe I feel in my body.

I don't always put my coordinates on the same point up there. Sometimes my zero is aligned to my crown, and that's it.

It does not go further than my little head. And that's ok too. I have learned to respect that deeply when I don't feel like going more up.

You are always better to have a fair clarity in your own head before connecting with something bigger. Just trust me on that advice. Please don't test it yourself at home just because why not. Be mindful of your and our nervous system with this kind of adventures.

But for more advanced explorers, as a usual answer, I would say I kind of do a brochette of various things.

From my crown, I go to Soul, to Spirit. After, I go directly into the eye of the black hole in the center of the galaxy, and finally, I find myself in the middle of the Universe. Once there, the coordinates of the point zero become kind of a very irrelevant concept to me.

But yeah, in reality and in practice, it does not always go as planned. And I don't often chill in the middle of the Universe.

Because at some point it gets boring there. I love being on Earth. I love being in my body. I love the contractions of the shared reality and the pleasures of being human.

...

With this exploration, I actually now perceive a problem in my process of vertical alignment.

It's a mathematical incoherence.

If your down zero is the Earth. And your personal vector of vertical 'alignment' is your central line and your spine. You actually cannot force an alignment to something specific in the up. The up is actually always in movement for your personal system of coordinates.

Your Soul is not always sitting in meditation on top of your head waiting for you to connect and align yourself with it.

And also, how do you know that the black hole of the galaxy is on that specific trajectory.

Maybe you need to move to another continent to make this happen. Or change the posture of your body. Or wait until noon on September 17.

Maybe you need to change the position in the space of your physical spine to be aligned with what you want to be aligned to. (And with this piece of of information you should be able to get a deeper purpose of doing Yoga).

...

You see. Vertical alignment to the up is actually quite tricky.

Maybe the irrelevance of point zero you felt in the middle of the Universe is true in all of the steps and in all of the dimensions.

Yeah. Breathe with this one slowly. That's a big chunk of exotic food to digest for your consciousness. Go gently.

...

Your vertical alignment to the up informs you on the qualities of the field in all the different layers as far and as detailed as you want.

But remember, it's only information. Very unstable and malleable information.

At this point, there is a huge paradox you'll have to deal with as well. The data you perceive in there is both under your control and you have no control over it at all.

(Yep. Very similar to the artificial intelligence problems; you already know this is also not random and this is exactly why the world is going wild about this kind of technologies today).

This information up there has no meaning. It doesn't have any sense. That information is not alive. It's not part of Life yet. It is not connected to the energy source that can manipulate that information to create something stable, valuable, and coherent.

You are this source of energy.

This is how you deal with the paradox. You create and give sense to the information that resonates with you. You leave the information that does not resonate with you up there. If it does not resonate, you don't need it in your system. Leave it where it belongs, and the one for whom it is relevant will find it there.

If you put it in your nervous system, it's more difficult for others to access it. Because now it's all wrapped in your useless personal meanings that no one actually gives a fuck about. It's more efficient and open access to all if it stays in our collective nervous system and in the field, not in your small and corrupted mind.

Feed your mind with food it can digest and actually enjoys eating. Love your mind and take good care of it. If your mind hates broccoli, why the fuck would you ingest tons of broccoli into your system and create all kinds of very unpleasant moments for yourself.

This is also an important moment to understand. The meaning is processed and created in your body. Not up there. And not even in your head or mind. This is another paradox about meaning. People tend to think that meaning is something mental and thought-based. But it's not.

Meaning is mainly biological and is formed way beyond (or below if that's how you perceive it) the idea of Mind.

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So back to the verticality, you don't really align yourself to the up as you do it with the down. You simply listen and observe where your beam of light naturally goes. What textures and energetic quality it meets on its path and how you react to it with no interference from your part.

It's a journey of self-exploration and not a map drawing session of the invisible world.

Here you don't create. Here you receive. You listen. You surrender and you let go.

It informs. It does not dictate.

You always have a choice. Always.

So, please choose.

…

Before you can understand the incoherences and disharmony you experience between your vertical and horizontal alignments, you need to properly investigate both of those processes in your personal and unique system. You need to consciously understand what is happening simultaneously in all your systems: physical, energetic, emotional, and mental.

Your entire system is playing music in you. Each one of your bodies is a different note. If you only listen to your thoughts, you experience an entire orchestra with only one note. With one note, you don’t hear the real music. With one note, you fall asleep during a majestic piece of divine and multisensory music because you don’t get it. You don’t truly hear what is happening.

Your problem is that you have already explored too many aspects about your vertical alignment. Without even knowing or realizing it, you hear a wide range of notes and harmonies of that music. You always did. You know how to travel, and you know how to listen.

You were right since the beginning. There is nothing wrong with your vertical alignment. In fact, there is no such thing. No one can be wrong about their vertical alignment. They can be confused and not aware or unconscious of it. But never wrong.

Your real problem is that you have no idea how to be in a relation to people when you are completely transparent about your vertical alignment. You don’t know how to be intimate horizontally because you have no idea how to process the information and manage the energy you sense vertically when with someone.

You have learned highly creative techniques to deal with that kind of complexity. It worked until now; now it does not work. You need to update your capacities and abilities. Because most of the tools you have used until now are highly inefficient and harmful to your overall system. The tools and processes you have programmed yourself with to deal with what you feel and sense are coming from a wounded place.

You live in a world where many are not ready to hear what you hear, to see what you see, to feel what you feel. And that’s okay too.

Your job is not to make people experience what you experience. Your job is to enjoy your music and let others enjoy theirs. You don’t need to listen to their music if you don’t want to. Both of your tunes do not need to be harmonic.

In this way, it’s a bit like a silent disco. You can dance with others, but only you hear the music you hear in your ears. You still can be horizontally connected and even aligned, even if you feel like you don’t listen to the same song.

You have control of how much and how deep you want to feel. You don’t decide what you feel, but you do have control over the intensity of the experience.

Your horizontal incoherences can be very easily fixed if you learn how to truly play with the intensity and the depth of what kind of information you let enter your system and how you do it.

You are right; you cannot control what will come out of someone else’s mouth. But you have complete control over what you do with the meaning this information represents to you.

You can work with your belief systems and your inner energetics to attribute and modify meanings. You are already doing this unconsciously. Now, you need to learn to do it consciously and at will. You need to master the process, not just be aware of it.

So, yeah, to finish answering your questions from the beginning. Yes, this is one of the reasons why you smoke.

This is how you play with the filter of perceptions. For you and for others. This is how you make your vertical alignment foggy enough, so you feel less. You don’t actually feel less. You already know this too. You are just more confused about what you feel.

But this confusion is safe for you. This is why you keep doing it. Parts of you still feel in danger being you. Parts of you don’t want complete clarity because they don’t trust yet the alternative tools and techniques you have taught yourself to play freely with your vertical alignment.

And for those parts of you to trust you, you need to practice and spend some time testing and experimenting with the alternatives you’ve got. You need to give your time and attention to those parts and nourish them with the energy they require to trust you again.

I guess as per usual, the end of this opens bigger questions. Wider contemplation. Deeper self-awareness. You are playing with some rigid aspects of yourself and some very deep interconnections.

Take your time. Breathe. Go slowly. Play. Have fun.

Be in love with the process, not the destination. Be in love with the question. Not the answer.

Just be you.