Individuality (and/or) Collectivity

I realize that most of my personal processes are about integrating all kinds of polarities. It’s like my personal ‘verification’ program for navigation in my own brain.

I often remind to myself that if I don’t see the deep paradox in something, it means I don’t really understand yet what I am dealing with…

Literally everything is this reality is about Polarity. It’s normal, natural, and even required to actually create life and weave a coherent net of existence for all of us. It’s present everywhere and in everything.

In perceptions, polarity creates paradoxes.

If our nervous system was too traumatized (which is the case for all of us), our brain is unable to process the paradoxes. This is why, we would potentially adopt only one of the polarities as a personal truth and the other one becomes dangerous and weird for us. We are simply unable to see the other side of the same coin.

Our safety mechanisms make us believe that the oneness is better than polarity, so it creates for us a reality where we start mistaking the difference between both. And we create an alternative belief system where we replace things that are actually polar by nature by a purely egoic concept of oneness.

What is meant to be 2, can’t be 1.

The diversity of this world and the uniqueness of everyone can never be reduced to 1.

And it’s not even the goal. Why would Nature want to do that? Why would anyone want to do this?

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The paradox that is the most alive and always in the ongoing process of disintegration and integration for me is probably the one about individuality and collectivity.

It’s also the most difficult polarity for me to deal with mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually.

Both aspects, developing my individuality and belonging to the interconnected community of life were severely traumatized during my experience. And, on all of the scales. Personally, ancestrally, culturally, environmentally, in small and in big communities, at home, at work, in the city, in villages … in our global society in general.

Every single cell in my body seems deeply confused about this concept. I am still so fucking far from being able to understand this polarity and how it can be integrated in my consciousness in a coherent and safe way.

Every time I try to bring some awareness to this space, I touch a nuclear kind of emotional density in my system. It’s the most fractal, the most multidimensional, and the weirdest of polarities to contemplate. And, probably, with the greatest potential for re-traumatization for my nervous system if not handled with caution and compassion.

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I often feel like I live in the world where I need to choose between both. Individually OR Collectivity? Blue or Red? Black or White? Green or Grey? In or Out? Up or Down.

And it makes me profoundly uncomfortable. Because I think it’s exactly this choice that is fucking-up our shared reality even more.

We have fucking created meta-industry based on this polarity alone. Just look around. It’s literally everywhere.

And it’s going even wilder. We are not talking about me vs. my partner, me vs. my family, me vs. community. We are literally talking today about ‘me vs. the entire world and planet’. This is the kind of polarity our brain is trying to deal with and to integrate on a daily basis.

No fucking wonder, we are going crazy. No wonder the mental health seems like the biggest pandemic in the world. No wonder the suicide rate is skyrocketing.

Our mental, emotional and physical systems try to figure out what to choose: our individual life or everything else that makes our life possible.

How a fuck do you make these kinds of choices?

But we all do those kinds of choices. Daily. We are all victims of this. And.

We are also all creators of this.

…

We all know it’s not sustainable for a long run. We all suffer because of this.

But, somehow, it seems impossible for us to deal with it. No matter how much we invest in our personal development (and in our collective transition and reconciliation strategies), this gap seems to become even more profound and even more fuck-up with time.

Our collective trauma around both of those concepts is too big to process. It seems like we are still not equipped and not mature enough to tackle this paradox individually and collectively.

This is why we give our power away. This is why we trust in those who will make those choices for us and tell us what to believe in now.

At least this is what most of the strategists, technocrats, politicians, leaders and gurus seem to think anyways. This is why they all become polarized as well and create camps: blue, red, yellow, green or rainbow and try to recruit most numbers (not people, numbers!) to their ideologies of that specific colour and its attached system of very questionable beliefs.

And we are fucking debating about useless shit to decide which colour is best for the next 3-5 years for us at a country level.

Wtf?

We are investing our money, time and energy to fuel one of the sides and we literally impose this truth to the majority of the population. We chose the one or the other based on the context, on the moment, on our current needs, beliefs and preferences… and also, on who is going to make more money and gain more power out of it.

And no one seems to care. We find it normal. And we continue. Even if we already know, we are running at an exponential rate into the wall.

Our entire history and civilization have evolved around this. Every war, conflict, genocide in this world is justified by a different variation of this specific polarity. We all have this pain deeply stored in our DNA and we all have a misleading and compromised perception of what a fuck (WE ∞ I) actually means.

We are programed to think in terms of ‘this’ or ‘that’ and people who are asking questions like what it will look like if we do ‘this’ + ’that’ are too philosophical and idealistic (or crazy). We know what ‘us’ and ‘them’ means, but we don’t really know what the concept of 'WE' that includes both means.

We don’t have time for this kind of question.

Someone got to win, and someone should loose.

This is how it works here. OK?! Shut up and go do the job you are paid for! We need your hands, not your brain in here. We are at commercial war in here. We need to fight and be competitive, not learn how to love each other. So chose the side and do you have been told to do by the ‘higher power’. Understood or should we have an HR meeting next week to discuss this further?

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What would it be like if we were reflecting in terms of ‘AND’ and not only ‘OR’?

It’s an interesting question, but no one seems to have time to truly ask themselves this question.

And if the time is there, the courage seems missing. Or maybe something else? Who knows…

Even when we are talking about Diversity & Inclusion, we still look at this in terms of ‘us’ vs. ‘them’. It’s like funny and not funny at the same time.

We continue creating superficial worldwide strategies that are doing literally nothing towards the resolution of the actual problem. We are just creating even more confusion for ourselves and for everyone else around us.

We all know this, but we proudly continue to dance the same fucking pattern over and over.

Why?

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Because we are in pain.

It’s hard to face our own history.

It’s fucking heartbreaking to feel the emotions of our ancestors. Our bodies are full of everything that they did not have the chance to feel, to process, to integrate and to collect the evolutionary gifts from.

Our bodies remember our history way better than we do.

We could blame them for our suffering, but where is the point of doing this?

Even with all our science advances, artificial intelligence, quantum energy and other high-tech blabla today, we still have no fucking idea how to deal with this kind of collective trauma even under the most unthreatening conditions possible and with the best mental health resources available.

And we have the fucking audacity to blame them for not being good enough and make us emotionally immature and traumatized beings? Really? How a fuck this could make sense to anyone?

It does not. Not individually. Not ancestrally. Not collectively.

We should really stop being self-obsessed bitches when we try to become a part of the whole. This can’t work out as a strategy. We are smarter than this. We already know that.

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We can’t go anywhere without acknowledging this truth. Without feeling their emotions that lives deeply in our bodies. And without the true Forgiveness and Acceptance of what was and what is.

The only way we can understand this paradox and integrate the individual vs. collective polarity is through integrating the wounds around it at all the scales, with all beings and with our entire shared history.

And we can’t do it differently then together. No one can tackle this on their own. Not even on a tribe or a country level. No matter the lines we draw on our maps and the bullshit we write on our constitution papers, the history is actually something that we all share and that makes us deeply interconnected no matter what.

The only way we can actually heal those kinds of wounds is Together in the (WE ∞ I) manner. It belongs to all of us, and we all need to be part of integrating it in our collective nervous system.

If we want to heal this globally, we need to be able to also feel the globality of our deeply interconnected history. From all the perspectives, all the voices and all of the colours.

We need to truly listen with open mind and open heart to the life stories and to the experiences of those around us. We need to take time and provide needed care to process what we feel by presence-ing each other in vulnerability, space and compassion. We need to learn how to this for each other in a safe and fun manner.

History is not something we learn in the schoolbooks. History is always unfolding through the people we meet and the experiences we live. History is always alive in our bodies.

We are just aware or not aware of it.

We need to help each other to remember and to talk about what is alive in us today about our collective unintegrated past.

When we are not conscious enough of this, we often suffer greatly without even knowing why.

We are not used to talk in public about the types of suffering we don’t understand.

Our emotions are supposed to have a logical explanation to it. And by changing my thought process and behaviour I should be able to change my negative and devasting emotions as well.

That is what the pop psychology tries to convince you.

Everyone who went deep enough into contemplating this knows, how fucking untrue it is!

Once you have felt and understood enough of your own shit, you start feeling other types of pains.

The pain that transcends your personal experience, memory and even your beliefs.

That pain that seemingly should not belong to you. The pain that simply makes no fucking sense.

You start feeling shit that you have no idea who it belongs to, but you can feel it in your physical body, in your bones, in the depth of your own heart.

And no matter how much you try, it will always stay there. You could spend your life trying numb and ignore it, but deeply you know the pain is still there and you also know it will remain until the day you truly feel it and welcome it with compassion and true forgiveness inside of you.

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Any systemic change strategy is useless if we are not willing to feel to underlining wounds of what has created this kind of system.

We can’t solve the types of the issues we are facing collectively purely on the mental level. And no technology can help us to feel our own pain, connect to our own bodies and learn how to honour our history no matter how painful it is.

This is our job to do. This is our ticket to our collective future that makes more sense.

It’s our collective path to healing and to cocreating a more meaningful and peaceful future for our kids.

Together we can do this.

We all know this.