Discipline

What is my problem with this concept? Why do my teeth grit a bit each time I hear this word? What part of me is so often triggered by discipline and why? No matter who is talking about it: a parent, a teacher, a spiritual guru, a therapist, a creative writing workshop facilitator, or a random person on the Internet, each time, my neck contracts and part of me dissociates completely.

Now, I'm curious. I want to understand what is happening and what my actual inner truth about this concept is for now. Where is the resistance? What wisdom does it hold? Who wants to be witnessed and understood in my inner family system about it? What kind of conditioning or trauma do I still hold onto in this space?

Okay. I just Googled the definition of the word, and I actually already see what is losing its grip inside of my system when people talk to me about discipline.

Discipline: The practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.

Wow. This is fascinating. Actually, almost every single word of the definition itself triggers me now. I see a bit better why my body responds this way. It makes sense. And yet. The actual root of this word means simply 'to learn', which I feel is very far from the Google definition of discipline. And, I actually love to learn. It's probably my favorite activity, no jokes. But, every time I hear the word discipline, I want to punch a wall very hard.

So, what happens now? How do we reconcile this polarity inside my consciousness?

...

Hmm, I don't know. This is a hard one. And apparently very deep and fragile for you. Your nervous system is already excited like a bunny during springtime. Do you really want to go further down that rabbit hole? Do you have enough witnessing capacity, quality of presence, and self-compassion to truly see what's under that carpet? Are you ready to integrate the insights and to do the required work to truly embody what you discover about yourself in that deep forest?

Think about it for a minute. You already know, once you have access to certain knowledge, it's your responsibility to transform it into wisdom. If you are not ready to take on this challenge of alchemy, don't seek the knowledge. Information that cannot be digested and embodied by you in your physical form is useless and potentially even harmful to have access to in your conscious mind.

Simply put, I guess this is actually what real discipline is all about. It has nothing to do with rules, control, obedience, or punishment. It's all pure nonsense. Discipline could simply mean learning holistically. It's a concept that ensures we embody in the matter and in our bodies all the information and energy we have access to and can manipulate with our minds. Discipline makes sure we create wisdom from the knowledge. And not the creation and establishment of new rules, judgments, and punishments based on the knowledge we have.

These are very different mechanisms and dynamics of discipline based on control and the one based on simple learning. And, you somehow can feel directly into it. Maybe because you were abused and punished a lot because of your disobedience during your life, it's almost like you have developed super detectors of 'disciplinary bull-shit' in your nervous system. You know exactly how it feels inside, the difference between knowledge and wisdom. You can hear it and see it clearly. When someone gives you information that is not already embodied in their own system, you see the disconnect and the distortion. You smell when it's already wisdom and when it's just a bunch of info-pop blablabla.

Actually, to be honest, it's not you who has those magical detectors. It's your physical body. Your nervous system has developed a fair capacity of discernment between the realm of data and information as rumors of empty thoughts or actual embodied wisdom. The problem is you don't listen to your body as often as you should. Your mind is still full of conditioning about 'what if they are right and I am wrong', or what if 'the information I have in my head knows better than my body consciousness'.

Too many what-ifs. Too much self-doubt, useless inner-chatter, and hesitation.

You still have the outdated program running in your consciousness about the wrong definition of discipline. This is your deep challenge. Parts of you still believe you might be punished if you disobey. They don't really know by whom, since you already don't believe in higher authority than your own self. But they are scared of being punished and to suffer even more. And those parts of you are partially right. They might suffer more. But, here we talk about self-punishments and not something imposed by others or by something else from the exterior reality (and even non-reality).

This is mainly about the relationship with your own self. The exterior world does fuel your fire even more about this, but the truth is the main issue is deeply personal for you. This is the area of the disconnect between self and Self. This is about your own imbalances of what you know mentally and what you embody physically, emotionally, and energetically.

You master a very weird, yet powerful mental thought-loops and tricks to face the exterior resistance. You know you are smart and clever. You trust your mind even in the most confusing and destabilizing moments. You love your mind and you deeply respect it. You are good with information and with your judgment about data and knowledge. Which is amazing and very useful to master in the completely crazy world we live in today.

The problem arrives when you start using those tools on your own self. There are some parts in your system that do not like your mind that much. And also, they don't trust it completely and unconditionally. You need to acknowledge them too and listen to their inner truth of why and where they see the limitations of your own mind.

You are not triggered by the false definition of discipline. Because you don't actually give a damn what others think and what kind of rules we have created to obey and to punish ourselves with. You are triggered by the real definition of discipline. This is what reacts in you.

The truth of it makes you uncomfortable and ashamed. Because you are smart enough to know and to see your own distortions in learning and in mastering the real definition of discipline in your own life. You know what you know as information and what you embody as wisdom. You feel the incoherence. This is the gap that makes you suffer, not the exterior nonsense of illusory control and rebellion.

You have too much knowledge that you don't know how to embody in your physical reality. And for some reason, parts of you believe that by gaining more knowledge you will find a way to embody it better and transform it into wisdom. How does this make sense to you?

It's almost like if you wanted to make strawberry jam to enjoy and you had a full fridge of strawberries and everything else needed in your kitchen already. But instead of making it and eating it, you went on a long journey to a farm to pick even more strawberries. Why? Do you believe because you have more of them it will be easier to make the jam? Would you feel more motivated and under the required pressure to cook because you don't have the second fridge to store them? Do you think the new strawberries will tell you a better recipe of how to make a good jam?

Do you see the limits of your own thinking?

...

You are addicted to knowledge, my dear.

Breathe with this one. It's okay. You are not alone. I know it feels a bit hard to hear for you, but you need to process this one before going deeper. You need to welcome and accept this part of yourself. You need to give love to it and learn how to connect it to the Self. You seek and struggle for wisdom, not knowledge.

Wisdom is not addictive. Information is.

This is a very common addiction, also probably the least talked about. This kind of addiction is also the most socially praised and valued today. We invest a lot of public and private funds to sustain and ensure our access to data, our favorite drug.

But, it's an addiction. It has the same pattern. It does the same thing to your nervous system, your mind and your inner world. It keeps you in the same delusion about yourself. It makes you suffer in the same way or even a bit more each time.

Information does not heal, regenerate, or transform anything. Wisdom does.

This is true personally and collectively. In your body. And in our shared reality.

The information addiction is a real thing in the outside world. It's everywhere. If this is not a pandemic, I have no idea what is. It's honestly bigger than any elephant in the room. The extent of this is mind-blowing, but not always in a funny way. We actually have built the entire economy system based on this addiction. We are collectively absorbed and highly addicted to the drug we call data.

In reality, we sell only a few things to each other. We sell either something material, something energy-related, or we sell the information and data.

At first, we started selling the material stuff: objects, products, things, and materials.

After, we developed the energy sector. We have learned how to extract, manipulate, and transform energy and we started to make money out of it. This is how at some point the elephant in the room became the petroleum industry and not the mines sector or extraction of raw resources. Energy is the real money-driver in this world these days, not the material stuff.

We don't actually do wars for territories or peace; we do them for energy and for information.

When we talk about energy, this includes many things, not only gas, electricity, or nuclear. We could talk about almost all of the services offered in the marketplace. Including spirituality. We sell care energy, we sell sexual energy, we sell love, we sell God and salvation, we sell attention and desire. We sell health and education. We sell self-realization and healing.

We sell emotional, mental, and spiritual energy to each other.

Since a couple of years, as a society, we have decided to start selling information too, as if the energy and the pieces of the Earth were not enough yet.

We need to make more money. And we need to find something else to sell to each other.

So, why not make money out of data? We should for sure at least try...

This is why we are in the era where we are all becoming complete information addicts and we don't even realize it.

So, now, do you see how deep it goes?

I see.

I breathe.

I accept.

I honor the wisdom of all of my parts about it. I feel somehow humbled by the concept of discipline and I respect the concept of knowledge even more right now. It's interesting. It does resonate deeply within even if I am not sure I could find the right words to describe how I feel in this moment. I am calm and present. I am more accepting of myself and my resistances. Even if this surprising connection between the knowledge and addictions is clearly shifting some gears in my overall sense of consciousness.

So, what do I do now? How do I heal my knowledge addiction? How do I discipline myself to transform into wisdom what I already know?

Stop.

You already know the answers to all of this. Be smarter. Think about a better question. You already know that everything is about the question, not the actual answer. This is how you learn. You already know how to do this naturally. This is what we call wisdom.

Wisdom is about the right question. It has nothing to do with the information or the data. The data can easily be changed and transformed, but only the right question can give you access to the information you need and want in any given moment.

Where do you access your information? What is the actual source of that data? What is your actual intention in terms of embodying that information in your body for real?

Let's use an example.

One of the moments you have completely lost it to the information addiction was when the war in Ukraine started. This is what got you. You started listening to the news in 4 different languages to try to make any sense of it. And, the more you were trying to access more data, the more confused and dissociated you were becoming.

Your nervous system was eating too much information that you were not able to emotionally and energetically digest. You had a lot of knowledge about what was happening there, but it was too much and too intense to embody for you. Especially because most of the information you were reading was complete bullshit, nonsense and just wtf most of the time.

You had an information overdose.

When the information is nice, loving, and high in frequency, the overdose could be lovely and beautiful. When the information you ingest into your system is about the war in the country all of your ancestors are coming from and your immediate family still lives in, the emotional high you get is not the same.

Watching porn, playing with cats or do a shamanic ceremony and experiencing a real war does not create the same hormonal cocktails and connections in your brain. No matter the therapist, the guru, the priest or whatever else. A war is real even if you are fully connected to Self. You don't visit angels, make love to gods, and see reality through the Love & Light rainbow lenses when your mother is scared of a bomb falling in her kitchen. This is normal.

It's the same drug we call information. But it creates a very different effect on your emotional and physical system. Especially when you are personally interconnected deeply in your body and history about that particular data.

Now, you could extrapolate and contemplate other types of information and the wide range of how your knowledge addiction is leading a big part of your life. Even the positive data. Even the spiritual one. Even the self-awareness, self-inquiry, and self-evolution. Even science. Even God.

You need to see that discipline is about the coherence and not about an effort to exercise a variation of mediocre self-control over your own self.

Discipline is about learning how to have an appropriate amount of strawberries in the fridge to make the jam we ultimately want to eat. It's not about the farm. It's not about the quality or quantity. It's also not about making the same recipe of jam over and over each day just to become good at it. Discipline is not about repetition. It's about consistency and coherence.

Consistency and coherence are not defined in the action itself. Both of those concepts are actually way more flexible and free. They are mainly energetic and always in movement and adaptation to their environment and surroundings. When you discipline yourself to meditate or do yoga each day, same time, same intention, and same strategy, this is called repetition, punishment, and self-abuse. This has nothing to do with consistency or coherence.

Consistency is about the deeper intention that makes you do the stuff you do. It's about the Why and not the What and How. This intention cannot be defined by any man-made rule, law, scheme, or philosophy. It's an energetic signature that dictates your soul discernment, not the social construct. You can be consistent about your intention of embodiment (or disembodiment) and dedicate each waking second to it fully and truly without repeating the same thing twice. This is also possible.

When you consistently attach to a tool or a specific strategy to attain your goal of embodiment, you become incoherent with your own self and with the process of the actual embodiment too.

It's not about the tool, it's about the master. It's not about the strategy, it's about the intention.

You don't use the power of real discipline when you obey something. Even when this something is God.

Each time there is wrong and right, good or bad, light or dark, it's about the false discipline. When you use your discernment to judge something or someone, your inner data addict is in charge of the show.

This is the kind of discipline that makes you lose your actual discernment and personal judgment. This has nothing to do with authentic learning and evolution of Self.

The addict wants repetition, more knowledge, and control.

The Self wants coherence, authentic wisdom, and to learn.

The path of embodiment of your own wisdom does not require any more data, information, or knowledge.

All it needs is You.

Your awareness in Here and Now.

Your unconditional Presence.

Your mind.

Your energy.

Your body.

Your own-Self.