Is unconditional love a myth? Or do people just not understand what 'unconditional' truly means?
Or maybe we don't yet fully grasp what real love is, so talking about something 'unconditional,' which we know almost nothing about, might be complex or confusing.
The overuse of the term 'unconditional' could feel a bit obnoxious and too vague to some. What does it even mean to have (or to not have) conditions to love? What does love with no conditions even look like, and how is it experienced for real?
How do you create a healthy and safe environment to make the concept of unconditional love even possible?
Are all of us mentally and emotionally ready to engage with such a powerful concept as unconditional love?
Is it something that falls on your head out of nowhere, or is it something you consciously co-create with effort over a very long period of time, potentially making many mistakes?
Is it a mysterious gift from the heavens, or is it the actual result of your own evolution process and conscious actions?
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What are conditions?
A condition is either the state of something with regard to its appearance, quality, or working order, or it is the circumstances affecting the way in which people (or things) live, evolve, or work, especially with regard to their safety, performance, or well-being.
I am not sure if you realize this yet, but with this definition of what a 'condition' is, I can easily argue that true unconditional love doesn't actually exist.
But I won't do this. Because I actually believe true unconditional love does exist! It's just that the reality and the path to get there might be very different from what most people imagine or dream about.
It's potentially a bit more complex (and more challenging to achieve) than what Walt Disney made us believe in our childhood.
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Conditions are almost mandatory to be able to experience your reality or even to live.
Conditions are about your survival. This is why they are necessary. You have many conditions to be able to have a body, to feel certain emotions, to think some thoughts, or even to experience deeper 'spiritual' stuff.
You do have and need to respect some physical, emotional, and mental conditions (and limitations) to be able to survive, live, and create your desired future.
If you think you can teleport yourself by magic into the unconditional space of any kind for an extended period of time (without drugs), you are either in self-delusion or you have reached the 'god' level of awareness in your personal consciousness.
In the latter, you indeed would probably not care about any 'conditions' or limitations anymore, but you might end up respecting and unconditionally honoring them all anyway. So, it's a different kind of paradox when you get to this point.
But let's assume for now we are not (yet) gods, so we might start by understanding how to get rid of our own self-delusions first to put in place a strategy that is coherent with co-creating the concept of unconditional love between two beings.
Not to expect it to fall on your head one day or endlessly dream about it in the nonexistent world of your fantasies.
But how do you actually co-create with the other person the soil, do the compost, water the stuff, and take care of the plants or trees for both of you to experience the abundant, limitless forest of unconditional love?
Unconditional love is something you need to co-create. It's very hard, and you must have a high capacity to open your mind and heart to many different things if you want to fully and unconditionally experience love.
And, no, you cannot co-create this with everyone. Not yet. Because not everyone is ready for this. This kind of 'unconditional' love might harm some people more than it would make them happy.
If you still have too many 'conditions' in your own head about yourself or life, how can you possibly pretend to not have them when it comes to another human being?
If you have no idea how to actually love yourself without conditions, how can you possibly know how to offer this to someone else?
How can you give something to someone when you have no idea how to actually receive it in return?
How can you maintain a nourishing and safe relationship with another human being and trust them 'unconditionally' if you have no idea what self-trust or self-care even means?
How can you promise to be there for someone no matter what or love them unconditionally if you consciously let down your own soul or dishonor your own body?
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Before getting to the hidden island of unconditional love, we first need to build a boat to leave the shore!
And we also need to learn how to navigate the very unpredictable sea and its sometimes unstable 'conditions' to get to that mysterious island safe and sound and preferably in one piece.
So, what is the boat, and how do we build it?
The boat is a shared and co-created structure that you will use to find your way to love. It needs to be able to float, navigate, protect you, and survive potential and unpredictable instabilities.
You need to almost 'unconditionally' trust your boat not to get lost and to keep you alive!
The boat is actually the relationship you have together.
It's not really about you or the other person. The boat is the quality of the authentic connection you share and your ability to consciously understand the mechanics and dynamics of it under different conditions.
It's also about your know-how to repair it efficiently and coherently in the middle of the sea if it hits an unexpected storm.
So, yes. The boat must also be strong, solid, resilient, easy to repair, and cheap to maintain.
To co-design and have a great boat, it actually takes some sophisticated 'engineering' and deep reflection to come up with an original and functional idea. It also takes good materials and building skills.
It also takes a lot of time and energy.
Some believe that designing and building a boat is impossibly hard, exhausting, challenging, heavy, or whatever else. But the truth is, it does not need to be this way.
Co-creating our own boat that we actually want and can fully trust could actually be a very fun, nourishing, and even 'orgasmic' process.
Anyway, let's assume we have successfully managed to build a really cool, safe, and very powerful boat together, and we are ready to go into the open sea in our attempts to find the lost island of unconditional love somewhere.
What does 'navigating the open sea' mean? And how do you actually survive that step in your joint adventure?
In the water, you are not yet experiencing real unconditional love. You might be under the euphoria and ecstasy of successfully building a boat and leaving the ground for good, so you might be very happy, excited, and joyful about it. You might sing to yourself 'and happily ever after.'
But you still have no idea where the island of unconditional love is or how to get there eventually.
Navigation is unpredictable, wild, and mostly under the mercy of mother nature and father sky. Especially if you have no map or even a direction and have no idea where you are going or for how long you will be lost in the open sea before arriving at your desired destination.
To navigate the open sea together (without wanting to throw the other in the water to feed the sharks), there must be some kind of 'conditions' or 'rules' in place.
Maybe about communication. Maybe about feelings or the way we naturally tend to express them. Maybe about deep fears or insecurities and what we can do together to feel safer or more comfortable.
Honestly, the stuff that will come up while navigating the open sea could literally be about everything and nothing at the same time. You cannot predict or plan your journey with complete certainty of what might arise on your way or how you will be able to deal with it (or not).
Who knows, maybe you'll hit a stupid iceberg and be forced to leave your beloved one to freeze to death in the middle of the sea and never find your mysterious island of unconditional love.
Only the unknown is the intimate governor of what might happen (or not) when you are navigating the open waters.
You can only surrender and adapt to what comes up during the adventure. You can make choices that will increase your chances for shared survival or drastically decrease them. You can face the unknown with fun, joy, curiosity, and an open heart. Or you can resist. You can complain or judge. You can be in fear or stress.
Navigation in the open waters is actually a simple test for the boat (the relationship you have built together) and your individual and collective capacity to get from point A to point B without destroying your boat (or each other) on the way.
So.
Yes, unconditional love does exist.
But you actually need to work hard to find it and keep it.
And, you also need to learn how to do this in a collaborative and shared manner with another human being.
You need to build unconditional trust in yourself, in the other, and in your authentic relationship with them to have any chance of finding and experiencing real unconditional love.
So, in theory, love does not require any conditions.
But trust does. Real trust has many conditions and many unwritten rules.
If you think you can have love without trust, then Walt is right. It can fall on your head, and you magically fall in love, and your life is amazing and perfect forever after.
But if you understand that true love and trust in each other are deeply interconnected, you might see the very obvious and unbreakable 'conditions' to be honored and fully respected for all of us to experience the frequency of unconditional love with pleasure and fun.
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