Addiction.

I don’t even know how and where to start this. I feel a need to write about it, but I am not sure how to do.

Even just now, with the first sentences, I feel a huge rush of emotional charge turning in my stomach. I feel the contraction.

I breathe with it. I create space. I give time. I accept.

…

One of the drivers of my personal evolution and biggest struggle is the concept of Addiction. This is my deep personal ‘root’ in my system that has made me sweat and suffer the most. This is my personal demon that I am completely and unconditionally in love with. This is also somehow my angel, that have saved me from many troubles, but I still deeply hate, judge, and resent for my suffering.

Addiction is literally everywhere and with everyone, but somehow only a few main types of them are shamed, blames and judged by the social norms and culture today.

Somehow when we talk about addictions, it seems like we are thinking if terms of some main categories: drugs, alcohol, sex, food, love, phone, sugar, tobacco, work, sport… and we continue the endless list. And most of the time we assume it’s something bad and negative.

We each have some form of addiction in our personal life, even if it’s not on this list.

We all assume that addiction is something to be ashamed about and that it needs to be changed. We all try to do exactly that at some point. We all talk about which addiction is better or worst. We try to adopt new more ‘healthy’ and more trendy addictions in our lifestyle.

Not many succeed truly. We all feel like shit for failing again and again and rebecome our old selves. Until the day, we don’t give a shit anymore what is good and what is bad. What others think or believe about us and our addictions. Until the day we just accept who we are. Perfectly imperfect human beings. Until we fall in love with ourselves and with each other unconditionally in the Here and the Now.

We are all of us complete addicts… to many things and mainly to the Reality itself.

…

No one wants to give their power away to something ‘exterior’.

It’s nonsense. Why would we do this? Why would we ‘depend’ on something or someone? Why would we slowly kill ourselves with all kinds of addictions? Can’t we be free and powerful all by ourselves with our unlimited free will and inner God connection?

You can try.

Please share your experience if you find a way to do this without being bored and depressed to death. I would love to learn from you and your path, if it’s something that could ever be possible and pleasant as an experience.

Maybe this is why we seem collectively bored and depressed these days. Because we all try to figure out how to be ‘safe’ and independent all by ourselves.

Is it possible that this is also why we do war and kill each other today? And this is why we try to get under the ‘manageable’ control the Nature, Humanity and Life itself?

It is because somehow, we also have those kinds of questionable beliefs in our collective nervous system and shared consciousness. Because we believe that we must have some ‘independence’, separation and division from others ‘unconsidered’, less ‘evolved’ and dangerous people or things around us. From our neighbours, or some bacteria in the air. From our brothers. And from our Nature.

To whom our survival also depends on now and in a long run. But we still chose to kill each other for some reason. Without realizing that by doing so, we actually kill a part of ourselves. By destroying Life on Earth, we are destroying the Life in our own Bodies.

More living systems dies (people, forest, fish, etc.), more we will be collectively sick and dysregulated. Differently put, more all of us will also die.

So, no matter what, if there is any part of you who believes that something should not exist and should be destroyed and you deliberately act on it, you are actually killing something inside of yourself.

Your body is the holographic image of this planet. The inner balance of this planet is in a way a mirror of your own biological ecosystem. More the planet and the humanity in general are in danger, more your own cells and biological systems are in danger.

We are all connected in this way with literally everything. It’s just physics and biology.

More people suffer on this Earth, more your body will feel and experience this suffering no matter where you are and what you do. Your cells are sensing and receiving the suffering of the world and the humanity all the time. Your nervous system is built this way.

Every time there is war, genocide, a fire, a hunger, a flood or anything else where a huge mass of people suffers, your entire system is under stress and you are more prone to develop all kinds of diseases, physical, emotional, mental and even spiritual.

This process is happening even if you don’t listen to the news and live in the deep forest in the cabin all by yourself. Obviously, you have less exposure to the overall energy/information field in the forest, but your physical body and your nervous system will still feel it and will try to process it in any possible way. Sometimes by numbing, sometimes by feeling, sometimes by crying, by laughing, by yelling, by abusing or killing others… or by any ‘addiction’ you can possibly think of to help us process and integrate that intense and very painful energy.

This is why the alcohol and weed stores were open during the home prison. Because we know that the population relay on those things to regulate their nervous system personally and collectively. A huge part of our population is addicted to alcohol, weed and tobacco, and other things because we don’t know any other socially acceptable and suiting method to regulate our collective nervous system in a such a crazy environment and times.

And, with all the nonsense that was and still happening in this world, we all fucking need some super remedy for creating some kind of relaxation and homeostasis inside of our bodies. We are all dependant on something to help us attain the balance and coherence of our own system.

Your personal nervous system is always connected to the collective nervous system. You disconnect both, you die. It’s very simple.

So, everything what is experienced collectively is also experienced in all of our personal nervous systems individually. For some consciously, for some unconsciously. For some superficially, for other very deeply. For most, somewhere in between.

No one can be free and powerful all by themselves. It’s just impossible.

The real Freedom and Power comes from the fact that we are deeply interconnected with everything else, and we completely DEPEND on what and who is around us.

When we understand those unbreakable interdependencies between us and the Nature around us (in all its forms and shapes), only then can we start talking about any form of true freedom, independence and even sovereignty. And this is true personally, and collectively.

Yep. This is another of very fucked and amazingly beautiful paradoxes of this shared reality.

…

So, Addiction is just a name for something exterior, the Thing, that I have developed a particular affinity with to help me survive and regulate my nervous system in the safest way for me personally for now.

This ‘Thing’ is like another ‘system/consciousness’ in the Field and when I connect with it, this Thing gives me relief and diminish my suffering and pain. It also regulates my nervous system, my hormones and my mood which has many positive effects on my overall health.

We often hear that more than 90% of disease is stress-based…

So, your body is using any possible way and ‘addiction’ to diminish the level of stress in your nervous system to actually keep you…healthy.

The problem with addictions is not here.

What kills you is not the addiction, substance or the Thing. What kills you is what you actually think and how you feel about it. With what intensity and for how long.

And also, what other people around you think and believe about it.

You might have more chances as a non-smoker to get a lung cancer who is scared and who strongly believes this ‘smoke=death’ formula to be the absolute truth that the actual lifelong heavy smoker who feels happy about his addiction and think about how awesome his life is while surfing and eating ice cream.

It’s all a question of perspective. And from the amount of Fear you nest in your own system about Life.

The truth here is not purely biological. The truth here is actually mainly emotional and mental.

The main reason why our addictions make us suffer is based on what people we love think and how they feel about us having ‘relationships’ with those addictions.

The shame, the guilt, the blame, the fear is all results from what the exterior world projects into the addict. All the negative and crappy emotions an addict feels about his addiction doesn’t belong to him. They mainly belong to people the addict love and he is scared to lose because of his additions.

Of course, the addict is full for other types of very intense and crappy emotions and suffering that he is trying to numb or to deal with the addiction. But all of those are never related to the addiction or the substance itself.

What he is avoiding and numbing is never about the Thing he is addicted to. It’s never this simple. But sometimes it’s easier to feel bad and self-judgmental because I smoke that feeling ‘bad’ and depressed because my life is a complete hell and I live in a crazy world today.

So, all the additional emotional charge projected by the exterior such as ‘you will die and lose everything if you continue’ is actually not helping. This just adds to the already shit load of fear, stress, shame, guilt and self-blame of the addict.

He already has enough on his plate without your personal 'concerns' and opinions. He is probably already dealing with a lot of unprocessed and painful stuff is his system, and now you have fucking given him a full bag of your own fears, judgments, questionable medical advice, and your personal unresolved issues about additions in general.

This is not helping. This is making it worst.

The more you shame the addict, the more he would need his addition to deal with the shame you just given to him for no reason.

The addict glass is already fucking full of many shit you potentially can’t even imagine. And the only way he found to empty it is with the help of some ‘substance’ or behaviour. Instead of helping him emptying his glass of shit in a loving, caring, accepting and understanding way, you just fucking add your own shit and insecurities and full his glass even more with your own judgment and unasked blame.

It’s like looking at someone after a very intense accident and decide to start kicking him in the face and beating him violently to ‘wake’ him up and to make him well again. To fix him.

It’s like seeing someone in deep pain and despair and yelling at him at the same time how inconsiderate, stupid and ‘not enough’ they are.

How a fuck this could work?

And somehow, we all unconsciously do this to every single addict in our life and to ourselves... since we all are fucking addicts to something in this reality.

Some are just honest and conscious of it, and some are not. Some are healthier than others. Some are more harmful. Some are… we actually don’t really know!

But we still shame, judge and accuse people experimenting and exploring various ways of self-regulation of their and our collective nervous system.

…

Ok. I am realizing that I might have opened a Pandora box for myself with this topic of addictions and everything else around it.

There are so many links and parallels running in my head right now. About my life experience and about society and its confusing set of limiting beliefs in general. There are also many feelings and sensations in my body right now. Past and present. Positive and negative.

There is so much to say. To feel. To breathe with. To reflect upon. To contemplate over time.

Step by step. Moment by moment.

But always with space, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance and self-love.

…

No matter what you do today, I truly believe it’s the ‘smartest’ and the ‘safest’ way you have found to survive and thrive until now. So, thank you!

It’s all OK. There is no good, bad, better, worst. It’s all part of the experience and the experimentation.

No matter what you do, did or will do. I am convinced that you are doing your best. So, Thank you for this!

It doesn’t mean that there are no other ways… but this one is the best you have found until now. And I unconditionally trust that in the future you will develop a very healthy ‘’additions’’ for you to be happy and 'free' in this amazing shared and perfectly interdependent reality.

Don’t be guilty. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud you have found a way to survive in this fucked reality until now! You are a Hero already! So, Thank you for this!

We all have our own Thing we are addicted to.

The Shame, the Guilt and the Fear about additions does not belong to the Addicts of this world.

This Shame and Guilt belong to fucking all of us who have cocreated a society where normal people have no other way to regulate their personal and a collective nervous system by something else that self-destructing tools and methods.

It belongs to all of us who does not know how to truly listen, presence and create a safe space, how to love and how to care for those who are vulnerable et who suffers deeply. It’s our collective Shame to not know how to Feel ourselves and the others.

This is not the personal failure of addicts. This is our collective Fail. And now, it’s also our collective responsibility to deal with it.

Not create even more pain, confusion and violence for everyone.

But truly deal with it.

Together and by unconditionally loving each other, ourselves and even our additions.